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Asked by Last Updated:

He does not want me anymore!

I've been married for 14 years and have a 10 year old boy.
My husband and I have had a great marriage, until now.
Our sex life over the years has become very boring and we don't feel as passionate as we used to once upon a time.
Over the years, both of us have gotten comfortable without sex and comfortably settled on hugs, occassional kisses and hand holding.
I've spoken to him about this and told him we can definately ignite the passion again.
I was even considering another baby but he seems so resigned.
He's not exactly excited about the idea and even told me that he do not find me sexually attractive anymore.
Sometimes, he blames himself too.
He once said 'I know I'm not in great shape either'.
All this has hurt me to no end and I'm just so heart broken.
I even suspected that he was physically involved with some other woman but its very unlike him.
If he wanted to get out of the marriage, he would have by now.
He says we are fine emotionally and that we can connect on other levels but he does not desire me that way any more.
He even admitted that its unfair to me and if I wanted to walk out of the marriage, I am free to do that.
It's all too clear that he does not love me anymore.
I don't want to lose my husband, we've been partners since so many years.
I can't imagine life without him.
Please advice what I should do about this? I don't want a completely sexless marriage.
- Barbara

1 Answers

Hanna Baker Answered:

I had to read your message over and over to be able to completely understand your concern. I feel your pain...It's v clear that you love your husband to bits but please come to terms to the fact that he probably does not share the same emotion for you. It's heart-breaking I know , esp after spending and devoting your whole life to this man. You are just someone he has got used to or perhaps he knows that he can do even without you. No wonder he has asked you to take a decision about your life and it is up to you whether you want to continue this marriage or not. I cannot tell you what to do - if you feel there is still some scope between you and your husband, then give it a shot. But remember staying in a sexless marriage and compromising such a great deal is not one of the best things to do. It's all up to you.

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