LoveCoach said on
Joshua, first of all, I honor you for being a man, admitting you were wrong, and seeking help in fixing the issue. Second, the issue that caused the fight very possibly wasn't what the fight truly was about. By this I mean, sometimes people snap at a family member or someone close to them because they felt attacked or upset about something else that happened that they feel they have no control over. Try to remember this for future arguments. Second, always try to only attack the issue, never the other person. When we argue, it is because we do not see something the way the other person sees it, and we have to remember that this isn't necessarily wrong, it is just the way they see it. Refrain from "You never, or you always" or any statement that starts with an accusation, as this will just put the other person on the defensive and the issue will escalate. Another great tactic that I teach couples that I work with is using a safe word...when one partner says the safe word, the argument stops...both partners take their own "neutral corner", if you will, and the issue is either discussed later that day or in what I call the "state of the Union" meeting that happens either weekly, biweekly, or at the very least, monthly. This can be over a beautiful candlelight dinner, a pizza and beer, or even just meatloaf at home, but the focus of the meeting is to bring up issues that have come up since the last meeting that bothered you and to discuss them rationally and with love, as well as to discuss the overall happiness and goals of the Union. My couples find this exercise absolutely invaluable because it allows for them first of all, to spend some quality time together without kids, in laws, phones, tv's , computers, or other distractions, and secondly it allows a calm and rational discussion of issues that might've otherwise become way out of hand in the heat of the moment. Learning to argue effectively is one of the many tools I use with my clients and it is extremely effective!
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