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Asked by Last Updated:

Should I quit my job and move out of state for my spouse?

My husband and I have been married for several years and have a 3 year old daughter.
We live near both our families and the grandparents are heavily involved and supportive of our daughter.
My father has been diagnosed with Cancer and my husband’s mom has heart problems and is also not in good health.
Both our families see our daughter regularly and are very involved in her life.
All of our friends also live nearby.
My husband has a bad history of quitting jobs and being out of work for months at a time.
He was recently laid off again last year and has yet to find a job.
I keep jobs for years at a time and work in a field that requires me to hold a state license to work.
My husband recently claimed that he has been getting interview offers for out of state jobs.
It is not an easy process for me to transfer my license out of state so I will easily be out of work for a year or more while I work on getting licensed in that state.
I have also been in the same field for over a decade and have worked very hard to finally land my dream job four years ago.
The job I have now is very difficult to find and it is very unlikely I would ever be hired for it again if I were to resign.
He has been making me feel very guilty for not agreeing to move out of state if he were to get an out of state job.
The jobs he wants will not pay enough for me to take the time off I need to get my license in that state and then get hired.
I would likely have to take a low level low paying job that would not support us.
I have explained this to him multiple times.
He is getting frustrated and states if I want him to go back to work, this is the only option he has.
I truly do not want to give up my dream job that I worked very hard to get, sell our home, and move across the country for him to work maybe a year and then get quit or be fired.
We will have no family support and it would kill my daughter and her grandparents to be separated like that.
He is making me feel very guilty and that I am being selfish for not wanting to move.
I have tried to gently explain that I am hesitant to do it because of his work history and I don’t want to completely uproot our lives to have him quit or be fired shortly after we move there.
He doesn’t understand and says this will be a new start for him and it will be different.
If he had a strong work history and motivation I would be willing to risk it for him to be happy.
But he doesn’t, and I don’t want to leave everything I have worked so hard to achieve in my career.
I am really struggling.
I’m tired of being the only breadwinner and want him to be happy.
However, I am very happy where we are and love my job and close relationship with our family.
Am I wrong?

1 Answers

David Dawson Answered:

I would suggest not moving.
I would strongly suggest it, in fact.
Your father has a serious illness and you said yourself your families are greatly involved with your daughter.
Furthermore, you said you have landed your dream job and have been the breadwinner for your family, while your husband seems to flit from job to job.
What if you give up everything (family, career, stability) to move out of state for him, and then he quits his job in only a couple of months?
I do not think moving out of state is a wise move for your family. Encourage your husband to get a job in-state. Tell him that if he is able to keep it for more than 6-months, you'll consider moving out of state with him.
I found this article " 5 Effective Strategies for Dealing with a Lazy Husband " that;s a fit for this situation.

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