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Asked by Last Updated:

Am I a selfish husband?

Dear sir/madam, Both my wife and I are 45 years old.
We've been married for 16 years.
We have two children, 15 and 8 years old.
I love my wife.
And I am sure she loves me too.
My wife is fat, with big fat on her belly like a 5 months pregnant woman.
She has been like that for over 10 years or more.
Honestly I still love her no matter what she looks like.
But i am beginning to lose my attraction to her.
Here are my problems: 1) She doesn't like to give head.
16 years of marriage, I can count with two hands how many times she gave head.
Not to mention it's less than 1 minute everytime she did it.
2) She won't lose her weight.
Not doing anything to bring her good appearance for her husband.
3)She won't wear revealing clothes, not even a piece of above knee skirt.
I have asked her to buy a skirt, she bought a skirt with shorts inside instead.
4) She is a dead fish in bed from start to finish, for 16 years of our marriage.
I know people will tell me about lack of communications, but today is internet era.
We can find help and advices on the internet easily.
I learned so much about foreplay and romantic gifts ideas for my loving wife from the internet.
The problem is she is too lazy to spice up anything.
Please help me.
I don't want to break the marriage.
But right now i am considering a divorce, or looking for sex elsewhere.

1 Answers

Alice Answered:

It isn't selfish to want your wife to look her best. You love her and you WANT to be attracted to her.
As far as her not performing oral sex - Even though it's something you want and desire, it is something that makes her uncomfortable. Consent is very important in a healthy sexual relationship, so if she isn't comfortable performing oral sex, you certainly should not guilt her into doing so.
It isn't going to do you any good to tell your wife she is fat and you aren't attracted to her any longer. However, why not implement healthy activities for the two of you to do together? Start cooking meals together and choose healthy options. Go for walks or bike rides every day after dinner. Not only is this a great way to burn calories, but it's also quality time you can spend together talking.
There's an article called " The Correlation Between Being in a Relationship and Gaining Weight " that I think you may find interesting.

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