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Asked by Last Updated:

How to handle in-law interference?

Hello, I have been married for over a decade and have 2 young kids with this woman.
My issue is that my in-laws (wife's parents) live in the same city and constantly interfere in our lives.
They drop by without announcing, make plans for holidays without checking with me and also plan Kids events/ceremonies without my consent.
My wife is often aware of these plans, and often is a willing participant in their plans and doesnt care to inform me.
In addition, my over protective in-laws attempted to insult me and my father during his visit to our home by sending us digital media that they believed would convey a message to us and protect their daughter.
We recently had TWO big fights due to this, and she chose to continue to please her parents and insists that i should be willing and happy to continue to entertain them on major family holidays/events despite the history.
After the first fight, she called divorce attorneys to seek a legal separation because i don't like her family, and this time she ruined a major family function by creating a lot of drama and asked me to get out of my own house because she believes I wasn't interested in spending the time with her parents on this occasion.
After the first incident, I asked her to work with her parents on setting boundaries and focus on US vs her parents , but none of this was addressed.
I don't want to ruin our marriage any further, especially because we have 2 little kids.
But i need her to understand that she needs to address the harm her parents interference is causing in our relationship and should prioritize my feelings about how to celebrate special occasions over pleasing her parents.
  Kindly help with suggestions on how to address this issue.

1 Answers

David Dawson Answered:

Yikes! That's quite the conundrum you're in. There is a delicate balance you have to strike with meddling in-laws to satisfy both yourself and your spouse.
There's an interesting article about how your relationship with your in-laws can affect your marriage that I think you'll find to be an informative read.
That being said, it sounds like you're already communicated your needs to your wife and she is not following through or setting any boundaries with your in-laws. I cannot imagine how frustrating that must be!
I highly suggest you guys find some counseling and have a mediator help you talk about this issue in better detail. Otherwise, it seems like this could very well lead to separation and put your children under emotional distress.
Good luck.

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