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Asked by Last Updated:

Should I get a divorce

So We have been married for just over ten years and been together since we were 21.
I am now 36 and she is 38.
 she has always been a highly stressed individual, and I knew this.
  Firstly let me say that I don't believe in divorce but I am at that point where I feel like I have no other option.
However I would like a sanity check before I do so.
  I entered the marriage with love in my heart, and perhaps the belief that you work on things and they can get better together.
You are a team and you do things together.
  throught the marriage I have supported her all the time.
There was a period where she went into a bout of depression for 24 months, quit her job and HY enraged inside the house.
Through love and care I was able to get an exercise regime together and help her get back on her feet.
She is now employed.
she attributes her getting back on her feet to her friends and I don't mind that as she was normal again.
Whilst it was tough and stressful the love that I had got us through this.
  the past 12 months I have bought a swcond house, managed the full renovation (5 bedrooms, 2 new bathrooms) dealt with the trades and generally delivered a really high end home.
Unfortunately the costs have run over budget however and she perceives this to be my issue .
I also support both of us through two mortgages.
Our build did not go smoothly.
 There were issues with every single aspect.
Our builder ran out of cash, items were damaged in transport, things weren't done on time etc.
she threw all these issues into me.
she blames me for picking the wrong builder, and for every little issue for not being man enough and sorting it out.
 It has escalated into several massive fights which ended her striking me all over my arms which have left bruises all over.
she has also struck me in the face while driving with the worst temporarily blinding me and giving me a black eye.
She constantly calls me a piece of shit, an arsehole, an idiot, it goes on.
I used to think it will get better but I don't think I have any care left in me at all to see this go on.
While I am not perfect I have at least the self respect to say no this isn't right.
at times I think she views me through the lense of contempt and hatred.
The smallest thing the other day - the fuel warning light coming on - resulted in her striking me in the eye.
  The one thing I want is kids, but I know in my heart she is not mother material - if she can strike me she can strike my kid.
I have been forthright about kids and that I want them.
Given our age and the fact she has shown no inclination to have them, in at a loss and see divorce as the only option.
 I haven't shared this with anyone out of shame for letting a woman hit me.
  on the plus side I met someone at work who I have been flirty with.
She has made me realise my own self worth and there is kindness in people out there, and the potential that I could be happy.
I have not cheated and always remained faithful.
I come from a loving family and I am sad that I have not been able to replicate this aspect of my childhood.
  i guess my question is a) should I forgive and attribute this to a one off cause being the house renovation, or should I seek a divorce?  

1 Answers

Hanna Baker Answered:

Should you forgive your wife for hitting you? Definitely not!
Forgiveness comes when someone is truly repentant - truly sorry for what they have done. Given that your wife is still physically assaulting you, I would say she is not repentant at all.
You should never stay in a physically abusive relationship, regardless of being male or female.
I am certainly not saying your wife is a bad person. But what I am saying is that it sounds like she has a lot of issues with her depression that she needs to work through before she can ever expect to maintain a healthy marriage.
You can only hold the marriage up for the both of you for so long before your arms get tired, you know what I'm saying?
I strongly suggest you both seek marriage counseling. This will open up the lines of communication and get to the bottom of some of the issues you're having in your marriage. You can find a counselor in your area with this simple search: https://www.marriage.com/experts/

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