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Asked by Last Updated:

Should there be compromises in marriage?

My husband recently feels (married 25 years) that we do not have to do things for each other just to please the other partner.
Example: turning off tv in bedroom so the other can sleep, not going to friends dinner party, traveling, taking out trash, nothing.
His famous line is , “don’t do anything you don’t want to do” .
I think this is absurd and a marriage should be give and take but this new outlook of his is killing our marriage.
I get it though, why cook if I don’t want to? Why go to a concert he likes if I really don’t want to? I do it because it makes him happy and that makes me happy but he says since he knows I don’t “really” want to do it, it really isn’t making him happy.
Help

1 Answers

David Dawson Answered:

Marriage is all about compromise - ESPECIALLY if you marry someone who holds different values, beliefs, and interests than you do.
Try and explain to your husband that you compromise (as you said, go to concerts for bands he likes that you're not super into) because you LOVE him. Compromise is a way of resolving conflict, sure, but it's also a way we can connect and show interest in our partners.
There's an article you should read called " Marriage - Compromise Without Caving ". It's written by an expert and talks about how to compromise without feeling like you've lost control. I highly suggest you go over this article with him.

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