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Asked by Last Updated:

How do I get my husband to see a marriage and family therapist with me?

My husband and I have a 3 year old daughter.
She is very sweet but extremely strong willed.
I am all for having a strong and independent daughter and even instilled self-help skills early on.
However, it has become an issue since my husband allows our daughter to manipulate him.
He believes I am a bad mother because I can’t cook and clean while entering and keeping our daughter happy and out of trouble 100% of the time.
He gives me dirty looks and asks questions like, “what are you doing that she is not happy??” Or “where are you?” When I am in the other room folding clothes or doing dishes when she knocks on his office door because she wants to be with him.
He doesn’t feel we are a team and constantly undermines me and belittles me in front of our daughter, including the times that I put her in “time out”.
I am beyond frustrated and it shows when I raise my voice at my daughter because she doesn’t listen.
She runs to him crying when I tell her “no” or that she needs to “ wait until mommy is done”.
For example, this evening I was cleaning up the dishes from dinner and she wanted “marshmallows”.
I told her that “ mommy will get them for you as soon as I am done clearing the dishes from dinner” so she ran crying to daddy and he was mad at me for letting her cry and bang on his office door.
 Everything is a fight, from cleaning up her messes down to changing and bathing.
I need help.
How can I get my husband to seek counseling with me when he won’t.
He feels I need the counseling because I am “always yelling”.
What he doesn’t realize is that the way he talks to me and how he treats our marriage and finances like a dictatorship, is abusive.
How can I get him to understand that I am not the problem, we both play our parts in the relationship with each other and that of our child.
I really don’t know what to do.

1 Answers

Andrew Answered:

It sounds like your daughter has your hubby wrapped around her little finger!
It isn't uncommon for one parent to be the disciplinarian while the other is the "fun" or "doting" parent. Children need balance, so it's perfectly okay to have both!
I think it would be wise for you both to consider counseling.
If your husband isn't crazy about the idea of sharing his thoughts with a complete stranger in person, what about online? Many people feel more comfortable behind their computer screens and there are plenty of online marriage and family therapists available.
There's a great article all about the benefits of online couple’s therapy that you may want to go over with him. Who knows? It could change his mind! You can find the article here:

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