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Asked by Last Updated:

Should I consider Divorce?

Just found out my (m41)brother (m44) (also my best man at my wedding) and my wife (f40) spent the night together (in my bed) prior to us dating, i wanted to be with her at the time this happened.
I had asked my wife before we were married if anything had happened at all that night she said no.
So she lied and my brother also kept it from me.
Pretty much everyone knew but me.
This would have been a marriage deal breaker for me.
After confronting her she says they fooled around but she is "pretty sure" they never had sex as they were both black out drunk.
Not sure i beleive either of them.
Should i be upset and what would you do to deal with this? I am embarrassed and extremely hurt.

1 Answers

David Dawson Answered:

I would also feel hurt and embarrassed by this revelation. Being the last to know and feeling like your brother and your wife have been lying to you all this time is horrible.
That being said, you did mention that this happened before you were even dating, so neither of them particularly had any reason to stay away from each other.
Try to remember that she loves YOU. She married YOU.
It sucks that this huge secret was kept from you, but your wife and brother only did so to protect your feelings because they care about you.
If you're still dead-set on a divorce, why not consider a divorce via separation first? This gives you and your spouse a trial period to see what life without each other would REALLY be like. It would also be wise to use this time to attend marriage counseling and try and work through the issues you're having.
There's a great article all about divorce by separation that would be worth a read: https://www.marriage.com/advice/separation/should-you-consider-divorce-by-separation/

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