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Asked by Last Updated:

How can I save my marriage?

My wife and I have only been married 6 months, and she already wants a divorce.
She is unwilling to do anything to try to fix our marriage as well.
She says she doesn't feel loved by me and that she's never going to even try to love me until she feels I'm crazy about her.
I try to do as much as I can for her, but it's never enough.
I wait on her (like a servant) every day without complaining or asking to be appreciated.
I take care of her because I want to.
She tells me that husbands are supposed to take care of their wives so me pampering her all the time does not express love; it's my job.
She is Ukranian and speaks fluently in both English and Russian.
I have enrolled in Russian classes after work once a week and also purchased Rosetta Stone to try to learn Russian.
Over these six months learning Russian, I can only see that it's made her more mad and hateful.
She gets mad because I still don't speak it fluently.
She expects me to be completely fluent already.
One of her main issues with me comes from my inability to be the Godly spiritual leader of our family.
I want to be the spiritual leader, but she is just so much smarter than me when it comes to knowing and understanding the Bible.
She comes from a very religious family.
At the beginning of our marriage, we would pray together at night.
After a few weeks, she became angry with me because of how I pray.
One time, it was because of the order of how I said things in my prayer.
Another time was because I was wearing my boxers when I prayed and that was disrespectful.
I would try to correct everything she told me about, but there was always something else.
After being beaten down so much, I started asking her what she prays for (she prays in Russian).
She refused to tell me.
The more she criticized me, the more self conscious and scared I felt to even pray out loud.
Eventually, we started praying silently on our own before bed.
I'll admit, it may not have been the right solution, but I liked that solution.
I felt that as long as we still talked to God, we'd be doing good and she would stop yelling and getting upset with me.
Since then, I've asked her several times to pray together again, but she refuses to.
I want to make her happy and feel loved.
I want to do anything I can to save our marriage.
When I ask her what I don't do, she tells me "everything".
She'll tell me there's so much more I could be doing but won't tell me what it is.
I'll be honest; I don't have the love for her that I once did, but I do still love her.
I tell her I love her 100 times a day, but she says she wants wants to feel it.
It's so hard because in my heart, I don't feel like she's giving me anything to love.
It's hard to be crazy about someone who treats you horribly.
I know the woman I fell in love with is in there, but the more she doesn't show me that woman, the harder it is for me to come up with things I can do to show her I love her.
I've begged her to go to counseling, but she refuses.
She will openly admit that she knows the counselor will tell her that she has to do something for the marriage, and she is not going to do anything.
Please help! I will do anything to save our marriage!

26 Answers

Cruzserg Answered:

look i be honest it not aesy to merry it take a lot of work and patience an the best you should do is take a big breaths and talk. 

Apple0443 Answered:

I hope these suggestions will help you. When your marriages are in trouble, it's important for you to know that you can learn how to fix a broken relationship or save your marriage — and even find yourselves falling deeply in love again. The key lies in communication. In the beginning of your relationship, you were probably mesmerized by the newness of it all and believed that feeling was so powerful it just might last forever. You didn't see many of your partner’s flaws, so you never thought you would have to worry about one day finding yourself trying to fix them. Your relationship evolved, as relationships do, because all of this is entirely normal. All relationships and marriages go through their share of highs and lows. But, if it feels like you and your partner are now on the brink of a breakup or divorce, you must invest in your relationship again if you want to make things work. If you want to know how to fix a broken relationship or how to save your marriage and find yourself falling in love again, here are 7 ways to do just that. 1. Remember what made you each fall in love in the first place. After being married for a while, it’s easy to forget what you like about your spouse. What was it like in the beginning? What stood out? What did he smell like? Where was your first date? What made you realize that this was the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life? Write all of it down. Doing so will help you remember the positives, which will also help lift your spirits and change your mindset about your relationship. 2. Actively listen to each other again. Listening is truly a gift you can give to your spouse that can help your relationship go deeper. When you listen to your spouse without criticism, you convey understanding and support — which is what we all want more than anything in a relationship. This will help your spouse feel more comfortable opening up to you, too. Ask questions that let your spouse know you are genuinely interested in them. For example, do you know your spouse’s deepest and darkest secrets? If not, this is a great time to ask. 3. Make the little things count. It’s the subtle things that make a BIG difference in your relationships, like turning your body toward your husband or wife when they're talking and making direct eye contact, rather than staying engrossed in your phone. A smile or simple "How was your day?" can also help create a more positive tone in your relationship. And when you reunite at the end of the day, make sure you greet one another to let your spouse know you're happy see them. 4. Don’t let distractions get in the way of your marriage. Think back to how it was in the beginning of your relationship. Your partner was the most exciting part of your day and always came first. But now that you've been together for a while, it's all to easy to let life get in the way of your marriage. You have kids, work, and a house, which makes it easy to put your marriage last. That's why you need to start scheduling time for one another, and stick to it. If the phone rings, let it go to voicemail. This is your time for one another. 5. Do something fun together again. Fun is what keeps you together. When was the last time you laughed with your partner? And, I’m not talking one of those "haha" laughs. I’m talking about a good belly laugh that felt like it would never end. As adults, we get away from laughing. The next time you have a chance observe children on a playground. They laugh a lot! They aren't taking life so seriously or worrying about their next bonus or the next Tesla they want to buy. Laughing and having fun together is good for your relationship and your soul. An easy way to get started is to reminisce about some of your favorite memories as a couple — the times where you had a good laugh together. 6. Change your expectations. You aren't the person you were when you got married, and neither is your partner. As human beings, we are complex and always changing. When you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy to rely on your partner for everything and expect things to continue being the way they've always been. And when they're not, it's easy to get disappointed. But once you accept what has changed about your spouse, you can change your perspective on your relationship, too. This is a must because, if you don’t change your expectations, your partner will feel like you are trying to make them change. This will cause resentment in the long run, so be gentle with your partner and love them for who they are now. 7. Make it a point to reconnect after fights. When couples don’t get over an argument, the argument continues. And you can’t move on with your marriage if you haven’t repaired the damage that's been done. One of the best ways to repair your relationship is to admit to what you have done wrong and apologize, yet, although this sounds easy, it’s one of the hardest things for many couples to do. What matters is that your apology is sincere. Or, if it's your spouse apologizing to you, that you accept the apology and do your best to move on. The truth is that there's no easy fix that will save your relationship or marriage in an instant. It took you a long time to get to where you are, and it will take genuine effort to get your marriage back on track. But if you're ready to start taking action and learn how to save your relationship without counseling, it is possible — all you have to do is start small. Set aside some time this week for listening. After that, you can take any of these steps and add them to your relationship, one step at a time. 

Skydreamer Answered:

If your spouse has dropped the "divorce" bombshell and does not wish to work on saving your marriage, then this might be the imagemost important letter you'll EVER read... Why Your Spouse Is Lying To You About The Reasons They Want A Divorce... Your Spouse Is Lying To You About The Real Reasons They Want A Divorce Chances are they don't want to tell you what their real reasons are... for fear of hurting you, for fear of making them look bad, or they might not even fully know or understand the real reasons themselves. If you want to discover the truth and cut through the lies and ultimately save your marriage, there are several things you are going to have to learn and apply before you are able to make that happen. If you're like the thousands of couples I've helped over the years, you'll have heard or used a few of the following reasons for ending a marriage: "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore..." "We've grown apart." "You've changed." "You're not exciting or fun anymore." "I've met someone else and I think I love them..." "I hate you!" "I'm sick of your nagging!" "I don't want to be married anymore and there's nothing you can say that will make me change my mind." Any of these sound familiar? Here's How To Discover The Truth, Cut Through The Lies And Pain, Stop Divorce Dead In Its Tracks, And Rebuild The Strong, Intimate Marriage You've Always Wanted... Even If Your Spouse Doesn't Want To! 

It will interest you to know that even without you learning Russian language that your wife will still be in love with you. Making a woman to be happy is beyond speaking her language even though is an advantage. I have careful before now listed down what every woman wants from her man. Taking her around the world is not enough. Do you spend time with her? Do you give her attention? Do you occasionally cook with her or do some house chores with her?. 

Selego Answered:

"Sometimes a couple grows apart over the years because of poor communication. If both people want the same things in life, enjoy doing various activities together and get along on a day-to-day basis, and if they’re willing to work on improving their communication, the marriage is worth salvaging."

Osherzie Answered:

I can feel you my friend, i'm almost divorced from my wife After six month of marriage! But we didnt get divorced because of something that iam gonna share with you! If you want to safeguard your marrige, here is your solution 

Save_your_marriage Answered:

well, not an easy situation, I understand what are you going through, I had situation like that, well my wife is not an easy person but I love her, we took a course and during the course we remembered why we fell in love and we went through all of difficulties and saved our marriage, it was not easy but we decided to take the course and we did not regret about it. That was the the greatest choice I ever made. the only thing that I can help you with is to send here this course so thank me later.

Yamice Answered:

I am not going to lie about your marriage and tell you everything is going to be okay. Your marriage, everything you love and treasure, everything you have worked hard your life for, everything that is familiar to you.... Its all on a knife edge. I personally at a tender age, when you feel its now your time to have a peaceful mind and a happy family, its at that time when everything is destroyed, couldn't believe why life could be so cruel, I spent sleepless nights, couldn't eat nor think straight.I know what you are going through because I have been there, I know the feeling. Your health is in freefall due to the stress you are under, your whole life and future happiness, something that at one time seemed so certain, now hangs precariously in the balance. I have THREE things to share with you that will immediately disarm the threat of divorce and work on rebuilding your marriage right now if you do them, but you have to listen carefully and do them without hesitation if you want to save your marriage. Its that important. 1. STOP what you are doing right now. The misguided methods and well-meaning ideas you have used up until now have not worked. That's why you are here and your marriage is teetering even closer towards divorce. What you have done may be pushing your spouse even further away, even into the arms (and the bed) of another person. It's time to rethink and relearn everything you ever thought about how to save your marriage and get your dream life back. 2. Break forever the chain of lies, the resentment, the doubt, and the never ending negative spiral of arguments that has catapulted you and your spouse from happily married to the gates of hell and the very real possibility of divorce. No matter how complicated or unique your marriage issues are, I have the key that will stop the arguing and negativity dead in its tracks, focus you and your spouse back on YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE, and open your eyes to the love that still simmers beneath. 3. Turn your spouse around and make them LOVE you, CHERISH you, and DESIRE you again, so completely and powerfully that your marriage is the strongest it has ever been and is immune to the threat of breakup and divorce ever again 

Jhone Answered:

We are "fooled" into commitment by the overwhelming feeling of attraction, and then we have to put forth effort to create a sustained relationship. I say "fooled" because our culture has us believing that this love is the foundation of a relationship. It is not. It is merely a temporary starting point. It is not the destination. It is just a part of the journey to a lifetime relationship. Those intense feelings will calm over time. The overwhelming need to be with someone that marks the infatuation portion of a relationship is not sustainable on its own. It's like placing a flame in a bottle. Eventually, the flame will burn all the oxygen in the bottle and be extinguished.

Fedex28 Answered:

Save Your Marriage Forever is a practical step-by-step method, with simple "tasks" that you must complete to solve problems and rebuild your marriage. This method will not only help you avoid divorce, but will transform your married life to enjoy each of the moments you spend together. 

 

xena16 Answered:

I understand about your Mental issues in your marriage. I advise you to go and get some peace with a Therapist. They do help with marriage problems. I and my husband also consult one. I wish you Peace and Joy which you should have in a Marriage. Follow up on this and look online for a marriage counselor or Therapist. Good luck I hope it gets better for you and your Heath. 

Healthanchovy Answered:

Marriage is a very complicated decision once you know how it works. Saving it? You gotta have a whole heart in doing this and certain about why you want to save it.

Katherine-P_ Answered:

The answer for you question is to stay calm and be patient. when you think he is in an upset mood. do not start any conversation that makes him mad and avoid topics that lead to fight. take him to a surprise dinner or spend quality time with him whenever possible at hme or outside, whicever suits you. Take responsibilities through which he feels that you do care. This way, you will be able to resist his behavior and change it to a great extent.

Alagan Answered:

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But it's great that you are thinking of saving your marriage even in troubled times. If both of you are willing to save this relationship, then you must tackle the issue that is causing the problem. Like growing incompatibility, money, sex, infidelity, lack of communication, etc. Sit down and understand what you both can do to fix the issue (or issues). Your methods must be productive and helpful to your relationship. The heart is most important of all. If your intentions are positive, then give it your all.

Helpinghand Answered:

Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship, in my opinion. But as the old saying goes, it takes two to tango.

In other words, both partners have to be willing to do the work. If one person isn't actively putting forth the effort to communicate, then the balance may be permanently disrupted.

Although "I" statements may seem cliché, they are still a great communication tool. , I urge you to try this method; it actually works well with some practice. Avoid false "I" statements that are shrouded in blame, however. For example. When you present your feelings, practice saying “I feel”, and the next word should be the name of an actual feeling, such as “I feel disappointed”. 

As if this isn't difficult enough, the blaming piece comes when the sentence goes,“(I feel disappointed when YOU….”

Using the “you” statements are communication killers, because the next words are always bound to trigger your partner into defense mode.

If the two of you can communicate without these common errors, the result will be a natural increase in your respect and trust in one another. When communicating effectively, you'll find the talks become more valuable and productive.

FITZGERALD Answered:

It is very seldom in life that there is only one option. Every day we are faced with many options and many choices to make, and it is our responsibility to choose wisely. Being a single mother is very tough indeed, but rushing into a marriage may just make things worse. It is better to build a support structure of healthy relationships with friends and family, especially if you can be part of a church family. That way you have several people who are willing to help you out in practical ways and support you emotionally when you need it, and somehow the load is spread. If you marry with the intention that your husband must now “carry” you and supply all your needs, this may not always work out the way you imagined.

FITZGERALD Answered:

Whether or not your marriage can be saved will depend to a large extent on the reason or reasons that have contributed to the breakdown. As there are two equal partners in a marriage it requires both partners to be equally engaged and committed to building a healthy marriage together. If one partner takes more responsibility than the other and somehow feels that saving the marriage is up to them alone, then it does not usually result in a balanced or healthy outcome. When you and your spouse are ready to say together “How can we save our marriage?” then you could benefit greatly by finding a reputable marriage counselor or therapist who can help you to rebuild your marriage together.

SUMMERS Answered:

If your marriage is in trouble, it may take a lot of work to salvage. First, you’ll want to be sure the relationship is founded in the bedrock of trust and respect. While love is an essential ingredient, these other qualities are also necessary if you are to work things out with your spouse. To save a troubled marriage, ask yourself whether each partner trusts and respects the other. If the answer is no to any of those questions, that is where you’ll need to begin – by building trust or setting the correct expectations about how to demonstrate respect.

Christian Answered:

Very often, marriage starts to fail because couples are not nourishing the relationship. The hustle and bustle of daily life can sometimes cause partners to cease up on loving each other, because they are no longer prioritizing their partnership in the same way. They may cease to have sex, and may spend very little time together. Couples may begin to take one another for granted, and they may have many more disagreements and argue more frequently. To save your marriage, both partners will need to work at nourishing the connection. Keeping up on your appearance, and making time just for each other, adding spice and romance back to the relationship are small efforts that can do wonders toward re-establishing the connection. Work on communicating often, and avoid blaming and various forms of negativity.

Sydney Answered:

Determine the issues and work together to fix whatever complications are there. Each partner must be willing to be flexible and consider the needs of the relationship over their personal desires.

Emily Rodes Answered:

Be honest with yourself about your spouse's failings, but also be honest with yourself about your own failings. As you work through issues, seek to fix your own problems before you try to get your spouse to fix theirs.

Emily Rodes Answered:

Take time away together to openly discuss issues and reconnect. One great marriage counselor said his best advice ever was to "take a day off together" - so simple, but it can make such a difference in the health of your marriage! Go to a place where there are no distractions and force yourselves to share your feelings!

Happywife Answered:

Determine the issues and work together to fix whatever complications are there. Each partner must be willing to be flexible and consider the needs of the relationship over their personal desires.

Helpinghand Answered:

I feel here is no way to save a marriage from divorce on your own. If one of the partners is unwilling to discuss the issues leading to the dissolution of the marriage, there is no way to move forward with reconciliation and rebirth. That said, if both partners recognize the core issues and share a willingness to talk through problems and seek viable solutions, there may be a path forward. As with all types of relational distress, compromise is necessary from all involved. Using available resources like counseling, self-help writings, and spiritual support are cathartic moves, as well.

LoveCoach Answered:

Jane.s I work with couples all over the world, and I can tell you that as long as YOU want to save the relationship and give it 100%, the other person will feel your love and you have a very good chance of saving the relationship, and if you give 100% and it still falls apart, then at least you will know that you have given EVERYTHING HE NEEDED (NOT what you had to give). I would HIGHLY recommend Gary Chapman's books...Four Seasons of Marriage AND the Five Love Languages...in the Love Languages book, you both take a little quiz that guides you to learning each other's love language...in other words, how does your partner like to receive love? Are they tactile and physical or are they more verbal or perhaps they like the acts of service such as washing their car or running errands that they need to do or perhaps they are visual and they like little love notes or gifts...knowing how your PARTNER likes to receive love will give you lots of insight into areas that might be murky right now...I hear from people all the time that say, "I have given all that I have, I can't do any more" and just by helping them realize that they have been giving in a way that THEY would like to receive, but wasn't necessarily warmly received and therefore not as effective, we can re-shift their thinking and their approach and turn things around!! With every couple that comes to me, they always present with a problem or an issue they want to deal with, and after just a session or sometimes two, we find the deeper, more impactful issue that really needs dealt with, and then we can build an amazing relationship for them and their entire world! When our intimate relationship isn't all that we want or need it to be, it can adversely affect all areas of our life, from work, to family, to finances, to spirituality, to health, to our emotional wellbeing. You can save your marriage, and it will be well worth the time and energy you invest if you are committed!

Henry09 Answered:

The old adage, “It takes two to tango” is apropos here. If a marriage is in crisis, both parties must exhibit a willingness to do the work necessary to identify and then address the core issues. Saving a troubled marriage requires honesty, changes in behavior, and a willingness to practice forgiveness. Couples must also seek help from therapists, clergy, and other professionals skilled in the healing arts. Adopting “I feel” language is also an important way couples may express concerns to one another without using demeaning “You” language. An openness to compromise is essential, too. Unilateral demands and decisions will deepen the marital angst.

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