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I just need some honest advice

Hello there,

First-time poster here, and I hope I can get some advice. I have been married for almost 13 years. My partner is truly my best friend, but the spark is gone. We have had a very difficult last few years, and this past year has been a nightmare.

He lost his job about 10 months ago and is still not employed. This has put a huge strain on our relationship, and I feel like it is the last straw for me. Do I love him, yes! Am I in love with him, I am not sure anymore. He is my best friend and I care about him and his well-being but is that enough to stay married? I left a few weeks ago and stayed with my parents for a few days. It was very difficult and we talked on the phone every day. Finally, I could not wait to come home, and the second I walked back in the door, I wanted to leave.

He knows that things have not been great between the two of us for quite some time now, but will never bring it up. I finally got him to go speak to a therapist, so I feel like he is taking the steps that I am asking him to take, but is doing nothing for himself. I love him with my whole heart, but I feel like we no longer have anything in common and I need to look after him like a child.
 
Here is the difficult part, I mean this without coming off as self-absorbed, but he worships me and he was an absolute mess when I left. I don't know what to do, what to say and when to say it. The last thing I want to do is crush/ ruin someone's life. Especially someone that I have had such a long history with. I just feel like I want to move in different directions, and he is just happy with the same old things we have been doing since the day we met. My biggest fear is what is he going to do without me? If I left for good, I know he would be broken, but that is not fair to me. Anyone that is thinking about separation and advice would be greatly appreciated.

1 Answer

Allsinglesandmarried said on
Some time, the challenges we face in life commands our lips to open while our tongue moves to ask "what exactly is happening in my life? Am i truly the one that's going through this challenges?" This question and many other ones has kept our lips open for a while. I want to draw your attention to a phrase that says "Marriage is not a bed of roses". I have always said that Marriage is a life of it's own and a world of it's own. Breaking up or divorcing him now will be capitalized on the hardship you guys are facing. You were with him before he lost his job, breaking up with him now will cause him emotional truama. This is one of the best moments he needs you in his life. Breaking up with him will seriously affect his life negatively. For the fact that he lost his job and he is not nagging, he is not abusing you in any manner, he is not ill treating you and he is making efforts to secure another job. This are good enough for you to stand with him physically, spiritually and emotionally. Stand with him spiritually. Be praying for him without ceasing and also make him to be committed with the things of God. Idle mind is dangerous and has made so many people to commit suicide, your prayers can move mountains in his life. Stand with him emotionally. Don't avoid him because he is frustrated right now, he needs you to remind him how much you love him, encourage him, make him to understand that in no time everything will fall in place. Standing with him physically. At least once a week, go out with him to beautiful places, play together, tell interesting and inspiring stories. This will make him to be safe than thinking of negative things will affect his life in the long run. With time, he will get a new job and you will be enjoying life with him again as you have always wanted. https://allsinglesandmarried.blogspot.com
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