Sign Up
Username
Username must not be empty
Password
Password must not be empty
Already have an account? Login
Asked by Last Updated:

My wife cheated on me 3 months before our wedding. We still got married but I don’t feel the same toward her. Why do I feel this way 2 years later?

 So 3 months before me and my wife got married I went out of state.
We kept in touch the whole time.
A friend of ours (guy) asked if she wanted to hang out.
We’ve hung out individually and as a group plenty of times however this time, they went out drinking.
I talked to her all that day through text and I knew where she was.
At 11:00 pm I called to say goodnight.
She was still at his house,(still not unusual) but I felt deep down like she should go home soon, I didn’t say anything though.
Fast forward to Monday when I come home.
I sense somethings not right.
I instantly guessed what happened and she started balling her eyes out.
I was so upset I had to go outside it was her birthday that weekend as well and she had gone out with a group of our friends.
They all knew something was up and she told them what happened.
So naturally we had friends calling to talk to me and talk to her trying to calm us down.
Unknown  to me at that time one of our other friends at her birthday I guess took this as an opportunity to sleep with her too I would not find out about that til 2 weeks before our wedding.
What is even more messed up is he was talking me through not leaving her and all that good friend stuff she claims that he took advantage of her while his girlfriend was at the rodeo.
She eventually went to the police but they wouldn’t do anything because so much time had past, Anyway.
We went to counseling before our wedding for 2 1/2 months and even after our wedding.
I never felt like it helped me much.
I loved her so much before that and still felt love for her after but nowhere near what i felt before I would spend every second I could with her before it happened.
It now I could care less if we didn’t spend anytime together for a day or 2.
I miss those old feelings and try hard to get back to them.
She is very remorseful and goes the extra mile to try to mend things.
We have a son now who is about to turn 1 next month.
 

2 Answers

RobKane21 Answered:

Maybe you just need to be sure she's not doing it again, if you're able to confirm beyond reasonable doubt that she's no longer cheating on you, then you'll most likely start feeling more comfortable in the marriage. I don't know though. 

When your marriage is falling apart due to infidelity or any other betrayal, there will be nothing quick about the healing. It will take months and possibly years to reach an emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental place that feels anything close to normal. Understandably, the person feels the pain of the initial betrayal so deeply that the idea of taking the difficult steps toward wholeness seems like signing on for more pain. And that’s not even the hard part. The hard part is retraining your mind to do things differently this time around. Establishing new habits in your marriage as you relate to your spouse and others is an absolute must. Battling thoughts left and right as your spiritual enemy attempts to place obstacles in your way is par for the course. Keeping a marriage healthy, even one that has not had a significant trauma requires training, maintenance, and goal setting. Doing what it takes when you actually feel like doing the opposite - that is what is required when you deeply care about something or someone. Restoring a marriage requires two people who are willing to do whatever it takes. This kind of restoration in a broken marriage doesn’t come cheap. In fact, it’s quite costly. It requires sacrificing every day, crying many tears, biting one’s tongue, choosing to place another’s needs ahead of your own, and enduring a lot of pain. But it is possible. Chris and I are living proof. We’ve traversed a major minefield since that fateful, February day in 2002, and although we’ve had some setbacks and disappointing circumstances, we have come out on the other side and now are experiencing a vibrant marriage. We are truly better than new. We continue to walk. One foot in front of the other. Holding each other’s hands and hearts as we go. Pressing into God and allowing Him to comfort us when we need comforting. Asking Him to change us in areas where we need changing. And begging Him to free us from things that hold us in bondage. 

Write Your Answer

...
Please Wait Saving...