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Asked by Last Updated:

Is my husband mentally ill or is this emotional abuse?

I am a young Doctor and my husband is a professional.
I met him in my first year of Uni via social media.
He had just graduated then and worked for 1 year.
I know he has issues and does not think like most people I've met.
He can get highly anxious over small things gone wrong, has a huge ego (and feels superior to people of certain class/ education/ cultures), gets overly obsessive over political views and makes changes to his life dramatically (each time he has a new view and persuaded easily by others), is a perfectionist, takes things people say the wrong way very easily as if everyones out there to insult/ critisize him.
He has pessimistic views most of the time.
He barely speaks to my family/ friends- again superiority issue and feels he has nothing in common so cannot converse.
He generally struggles to make friends anyway (has only 1 friend).
I am totally the opposite- laid back, last minute for deadlines, very social, and always optimistic no matter how bad a situation.
One thing I like- normally we have total respect for each other, never raise voice, never call names and never swear at each other.
The other day I knocked over a glass jug full of water from the counter top straight onto his toe by accident (whilst I was making his next days lunch).
I was in shock for a few seconds as his toe became black/ blue very quickly.
I rushed to his aid and began treating it with ice etc.
He went into total panic, in pain, shouting at me, ordering me about like a slave and his face just showed full hatred which made me scared.
He repeated many times I am f'ing careless and never learn, and one day I may kill him or even my future child while I sobbed so hard.
He continued to order me about.
I've never felt so demeaned in my life for half an hour.
He then sent me a photo of his toe after he rushed to his parents house next door to get crushed ice and wrote up a quote from an old argument where he did wrong (but was such a minor incident) saying "I'm sure this makes up for it".
Since then he has been slamming doors, talking rudely and abruptly, telling me to leave him alone when I'm trying to help, constantly making me feel bad about his toe.
I dont know what to do.
I'm starting to think this is not a healthy relationship.
Surely this isn't normal behaviour?

1 Answers

Mishy Answered:

Sounds like narcissistic personality disorder. Look it up online and read all about your husband. Read serveral different articles on it as some do not cover all of the traits. HIs out burst, the degrading of you, the running to his parents house, the sending you a pic....all narcissistic abuse! The superiority attitude.....most likely a cover-up for how he really feels about himself---very low self esteem. The real reason he doesn't socialize with these people---inferiority complex. Soon, he will not allow you to socialize with them, either. Short-tempered over minor things--yup. Trouble making friends--yup. Can't take criticism or takes anything anyone says as criticism--yup. He will play out this toe thing to the max just to make you feel as terrible and as guilty as possible. And the longer you stay with him, the worse his behavior will get. My advice is to just go. Leave him before he totally destroys your self-worth. Better to avoid the damage that narcissistic abuse inflicts than to spend years trying to repair the damage, and re-gain your self worth. I wish you all the best!

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