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How important physical intimacy should be in a marriage ?

I got married 10 yrs ago. It was an arranged marriage. My husband is very nice as a person. He is a very open minded person. I am given all the freedom and liberty I could ask for. Both of us love to eat and watch something on TV a lot. I though I was fine. Just have some issues like every married couple. But there are few things that I did not realize and paid enough attention to that I should have from day 1. Our sexual life is not good. Infact it should be said we never had any sex ever. In the beginning and untill an year ago we were having some small routin physical intimacy once in a 3 to 6 months because of his physical problem. I do not know why or how I was okay with it all along. Moreover, his behaviour, nature, body language everything is very childish, its like I am living with a 7 yrs old boy. I have zero attraction for him from day 1. But thought, its okay, he is a nice person. On top of that he has hearing problem so I always have hard time talking to him. I was always wondering, is our sexless and romance less life are going to affect our married life. It did. I got tired of telling him to do something about all these. But it was like talking to a wall. Finally I decided I dont want to stay in this marriage any more and declared seperation. But then I got weak. In these 10yrs he became like a child to me. I missed taking care of him. I missed everything that we did together. Also somehow I got convinced that the a normal matured person will always be confined or conservative minded and will be violent (physically/mentally). So I just stayed back. What do I do ? I am too weak and scared to break this marriage and jump into the new ocean of unknown. Also I dont know how to love and respect him like husband any more. I want to have kids but cant think of having them with him. How do I love him ?

Answers (4)

xena16 said on
Did you sit him down and ask him why? Its important for a relationship to have a  good  sexual relatiionship. It does help the marriage. Xena16
Destiny Couple said on
By the sounds of what you have written, you refer to him as a 7 year old boy and that you missed looking after him, like a mother.

Have you tried to talk to him and get his perspective on how he acts and the way that you look and treat him in return?

Maybe he does get treated like a little kid and this is something that he does not like at all. I would not want my wife to treat me like a little kid, as I am a mature grown up man who should be giving and providing as much to my wife as I can.

A big part of satisfaction, at least for me, for many men is to be able to be the hero and provide and give to their wives and it is through this happiness that men feel empowered and have a sense of purpose in their marriage.

Could you be doing the opposite of what your husband actually wants to do for you?

This could be one reason why he is not interested in sex or his behaviour. The saying: " You are what someone believes you are."

Have you tried to talk to him about the lack of physical intimacy and sex, and about his background? Could there be some trauma that he needs to be open about with you and to get some understanding.

I would look at some communication between you two, have you every considered some professional help?
veb7854 said on
It is really hard when your partner is not interested in having sex. I can understand what it feels like when your spouse resents a physical relationship in a marriage. It is really key part of the marriage. Also it gets more harder if the spouse is asexual.
Allsinglesandmarried said on
THE BEST WAY TO REKINDLE A BROKEN MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP If you want to fix a broken Marriage or Relationship, wether it's a recent romance or a long distance relationship, you need some emotional kindling. Taking the following steps can bring a tremendous changes and can also help you learn how to achieve rekindled love. 1) Use your Relationship polarity to your advantage. Having things in common with your partner is wonderful, but it's also true that opposite attract. This principle is called the law of polarity. Thinking back to when you guys first met, things were easy and were also going smooth between the both of you and the physical chemistry proved your instant attraction. As you work towards how to rekindle your Relationship, remember to nurture your own natural energy and confidence, your partner was attracted to you in your natural state. Your natural energy and that of your partner works together to create the Relationship chemistry you are experiencing or wished to experience in your Relationship with him or her. When working together in a natural balanced way, none of you suppress your true self and you can be happy together as you are. 2) Be physical so the intimacy can grow. When time is tough and we are looking for how we can rekindle a relationship, many people face the trouble of being physical with their Partner. If you find yourself being less physical with your partner just to push the person away from your side, you have to immediately fix it because it's negatively affecting the health of your relationship. Fixing a broken Relationship is impossible when one or both of you are not ready to show physical affection. 3) Give the Relationship your best efforts. When you and your partner were just starting, you wanted to show the very best side of.... https://allsinglesandmarried.blogspot.com/2019/08/the-best-way-to-rekindle-broken.html?m=1
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