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Asked by Last Updated:

Can a couple with different emphaty levels sustain a healthy marriage?

My husband is a great person in many aspects and I love him dearly.
I have a big challange though and makes me miserable in completely unexpected times.
He tends to make very bad comments and jokes about me.
For him these are funny but for me these are insults that make me question who I am and what I do in the least expected times and makes me feel terrible.
It shows from my face the second I hear those and when he sees this he gets very angry and shuts himself up.
Then I get more sad, can burst into tears with time as there is no resolution and he only gets angrier.
I really don’t know how to manage this.
He is a good person but we are on different grounds when it comes to emphaty.
I try to remind myself that he is only joking and my tolerance is much higher now when the comments are about my weight or clothes but it is still a challenge when they are about my personality or the things I am proud of.

3 Answers

Mstgrblt Answered:

Each marriage is different, but mutual respect is a staple in each healthy marriage. The best way to know if your marriage is healthy is simply by being honest with yourself. People find happiness in different ways and also there more things to do. There are simple steps to put your marriage in the right way. Even if only you want and even if your spouse does not accept you should take responsibility to take action.

You should give yourself a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble. 

Atul Gupta Answered:

I read your points and feeling your husband is just making these things for enjoy. My suggestion for you is, please talk with your husband and try to explain your feeling to him maybe his empathy can change for you.

Mrsforeverhis Answered:

I had/have the same problem with my husband...except i am the one that makes the jokes. I see them as innocent, and didnt understand in the beginnig why it would hurt him, and that angered me! it angered me becasue i was just joking in a flirtatious manner or to be funny. My last relationship it was very common for us to make fun of each other so i grew to love the back and forth...but, that was a different person with a different upbriging. Instead, my husband appreciates nice, kind, and uplifting words ONLY! I had to realize that i had two options...i can keep hurting him or...i can adjust and not make comments that he doesnt like. In the end, it was easier for me to thingk twice before i made a comment, than for me to ask him to change his feelings about something i have said.

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