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What should I do when my husband yells at me in front of my toddler?

My husband had a moment of weakness and yelled at me like he never has before in front of our 3 yr old. Afterward, he ended up lying to her and made it seem like it was my fault when she asked him why he yelled at me. She was utterly confused because the situation was so out of character for our dynamic. I isolated myself for a good while after that and didn’t add any fuel to the fire for the rest of the day. I didn’t know what to do or what to say because my husband always finds a way to escape blame in any conflict so I try to find the best ways to be assertive when it comes to resolving conflict. So later on, in private, I explained how I didn’t appreciate his behavior and he tried to pass it off like he had been joking. He has Never ever yelled at me like that even in a poor attempted joke. I know in my bones that he wasn’t joking and I called BS. He got even more upset and starting saying that I always assume the worst in people and starting pointing his finger at me. I tried not to laugh because when people get caught in something they end up turning it back on you so they don’t have to accept responsibility. He was obviously heated and there was nothing I could say to help him see it through my eyes or understand how I felt. I mean would he want our daughters husband talking to her like that? No, of course not. I’m not cool with this kind of thing happening in the future. I don’t want my husband to think his actions are justified. So my question is: what can I do to avoid these situations in the future? How can we do better as a married couple? Any advice or similar experiences?

1 Answer

LibertyDating said on
Ask how it seems from his side. If he says that you're overreacting, then this is what he's implying:

"I yell at you, and you wanting to never have that happen again, is overreacting."

If he says that he doesn't seem to get any space, or that you're 'on his ass' then what he's implying is:

"I'd like to be already good and smart and right about important things to me, and my reaction is one of them. Don't inquire about it, because I'll get defensive, and will scoot around the blame". 

Or there might be another type of response. 

In either case, you'll have to see whether or not that is normal behavior in your life, for the rest of your life, or if there is an alternative option that you'd want to make a priority. 
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