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Asked by Last Updated:

bad sex life, thinking about affairs...

I love my wife, who is pregnant with our second child, more than anything.
But our sex life has never been good.
When we started dating, she was still a virgin (at a relatively late point in her life) with some psychological hangups about sex.
I thought it would get better, but it is still only marginally better than those first few awkward encounters and we have been married for nearly a decade.
She continues to have hangups about sex and, more than that, we just want and enjoy fundamentally different things.
Sex is more of a chore than anything else, something we do because we feel like we're "supposed" to, rather than because either of us really wants to.
Because of how long we've been together and our different wants, I have little hope that it will ever improve.
Because of this, I have thought more and more about having an affair.
Not with anyone specific, just someone more compatible with me sexually.
Like I said, I love my wife more than anything and do not want a divorce.
We actually have a great marriage in all respects, except for this one.
We are not in an "open marriage," so my only choices are to try to have sex with other women (which I then lie about to my wife) or resign myself to never having a satisfying sex life again.
Any advice?

1 Answers

Autumnsings Answered:

Oh man, I know how you feel. Me and my partner have been a little distant because there are some things that he doesn’t do that make me feel unfulfilled. I love him with every fiber in me and I never want us to part but I too wanted to have an affair and I actually have with someone who also is in a relationship and to be honest, even though it feels so wrong, it feels so good. The excitement of doing something you’re not supposed to it’s really like having your cake and eating it too. Now, I’m not condoning having an affair but it does make you feel whole. You’re happy! She’s happy! Everything is great. But before doing it, I would suggest you sit down with her and express your concerns. My partner wasn't experienced in sex at all but with such a great teacher, he’s solid.

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