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Asked by Last Updated:

Wife Cheated / Now Dating The Guy / Worried About Our Daughter

My ex-wife cheated on me.
It wasn't the be-all-and-end-all that broke the marriage.
That was likely going down in flames anyway.
We just weren't the same people that we were when we met.
But the cheating tore me up, because it was a betrayal of trust that I never expected from her.
And he knew full well that she was married, and it seems that it was a running joke to go behind my back.
We have a young daughter together, and our daughter lives with my ex-wife.
Now she's dating the guy that she cheated with.
I'm facing the possibility that this guy, sometime in the future, may move in with her, and he would be involved in the raising of our daughter.
The fact that he is around our daughter guts me.
It's even more complicated by the fact that's he has a daughter roughly my daughter's age, and they are friends.
This all seems to have kicked off from them getting the daughters together for play dates.
So, there's nothing I can do.
My daughter is going to see her friend, and I don't want to hurt her by telling her she can see her friend because of her dad.
She won't understand that.
And that's not fair to my daughter.
And I possibly face a future, where I might have to look this guy in the face, as he becomes her stepdad, and there's nothing I can do.
I have to keep all of my emotions in check, and I have to put up and shut up.
My ex wife has made it clear that's if this progresses, and it is made known to the kids that they are a couple, I have no control over any of that.
That I have no control over who my ex wife chooses to bring into my daughter's life.
And I will never put my daughter in the middle of any sort of custody battle, as that's not fair to her.
It's bad enough that she's growing up with divorced parents, I am not going to weaponize her in any way.
How the hell am I supposed to handle this?

1 Answers

bunnyhabit Answered:

Most cheaters get a big thrill out of fooling their spouses than any other factor of the affair. I am assuming from your narrative she has sole custody and you have visiting rights. The best approach is to accept this union in a friendly manner. Opposing it will only put your daughter in an uncomfortable position. Explain the possible outcome to your daughter. Befriend her new lover and show positive support and acceptance to the expectation they will become partners and he will step onto your daughter by discussing her likes and dislikes with him. Discuss with your daughter how she should act around him and his daughter. Caution her not to hate him or spy on him especially when he sleeps with your ex. or they are in seclusion. Try to happily allow for this extended family for the benefit of your daughter as she will watch and probably copy your style. Any negativity will only harm your daughter the most. Let your ex know that you will support her newbrelationship as long as they treat his daughter and your daughter as equals.

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