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Asked by Last Updated:

Should my wife andi divorce?

So ill start out saying I am not innocent in this matter, however I will say this.
If my wife could learn when to stop and back off things would be much better.
My wife and I have been together for almost a decade and as of two months ago had our first child.
Our entire relationship has been 50/50 on happiness and fighting.
We go through stages of super happy into stages of daily arguing and fighting.
I stopped drinking several years ago because I noticed I lost control of anger when I did.
Since then I have been much better at not losing my temper but she does push me to my limits and sometimes I'm scared that she will push me to far.
My wife is very loud and verbally demining over the slightest issues.
She yells and talks trash in public places which really embarrasses me.
She always says we need to talk about the fights but 90% of the fights only exist in her head.
When she gets mad which is often it is impossible to talk to her like a reasonable adult.
We have discussed divorce on many occasion but never gone through with it and now that we have a son I find it even harder to make that choice.
I grew up without a father and even if we were to get a divorce that is not the type of father I will be.
The problem right now is that we argue infront of our son.
"well she argues and I'm just kind of in the room.
" I have told her I do not want to do that in front of him.
I know right now he doesn't know what's going on but soon enough he will pick up on it.
She is always mad at me about something and apparently my silence doesn't help.
I told her that I keep quiet and stay calm because the ladder is going to be much worse.
Me yelling and arguing back doesn't get us anywhere.
It just makes her that much more angry.
Even her parents have told me that as a kid they noticed she had some anger issues.
I love my wife very much and it saddens me to imagine us not together but I'm to the point that I think a separation would be better not only for us but our son.
I would rather him be raised by two separated parents than parents that stay together and fight 24/7.
Any thoughts on the matter?

1 Answers

Jonas111 Answered:

Will you and your wife go to counselling? If the answer is yes this is a great start. Hardest thing is finding the right counsellor. One thing is for certain. If both you and your wife are open to the idea of marraige counselling you will get your answers through time. You will either learn to love and respect one another or you will split up. Either way this is a win win situation for your son. The last think I would want for my two kids is to see me silent and unhappy. I want to show my kids the happiest version of me so they can carry that on in there relationships when they are older. Good luck and good for you for askig for help.

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Poldani
Replied on Jan 08, 2019

We have tried couples counseling in the past and it really didn’t do anything for us.
We have gone through everything a relationship can exsperience and have tried everything but we always end up back at the same point.
Fighting and arguing.
We go through times that everything is perfect between us but then one little fight will spiral into weeks at a time of arguing.
I truly have the ability to just drop a situation and act like it didn’t happen but she does not.
We call it my light switch.
(Kind of a bipolar thing but I’m not bipolar by any means) I just think most of our arguments are stupid and don’t have any real context so I can tell myself to stop and just act like the arguing didn’t happen.
She believes every little thing requires an in-depth conversation where ultimately she just wants me to say I was wrong and she was right.
I get that that’s how marriage works lol but not really.

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