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Asked by Last Updated:

Will I ever be happy in a sexless marriage if I desire an intimate relationship with my wife?

I have been married for 15 years.
Five of these years have been sexless.
That is sex less than 10 times a year.
We are way below that now.
I would guess next year will be zero.
I am currently miserable as I would like to intimate with the person I married but she would not.
There is also a lack of affection in the relationship.
We are basically room-mates raising children together.
We are not even real friendly together.
We have also started taking separate vacations although we do still travel as a family sometimes.
This is not the type of relationship that I would like to be in with my wife but that is what I currently have.
Due to the intense sexual frustration, I have trouble focusing on my job and many other responsibilities I have.
I have started taking Adderall to help with focus at work and it helps a bit but is not a silver bullet of course.
 My question is, will I ever be happy with this situation? Do people ever get over sexual frustration? My thought is that maybe once we decided to never have sex again I will stop expecting it and maybe stop thinking about it?  Is that possible or am I bound to be miserable for the rest of my life?

3 Answers

Southern64 Answered:

From reading what you said I'm fairly certain I can answer your question. Are you happy now? Of course not as evident by your post. Do you think you will become happy because the marriage is sexless? I don't see any chance of you becoming happy with it over time. In fact I think you will become more and more unhappy and distant. A sexless marriage is miserable. Do what your heart says to do. You only get to live this life once so don't spend it unhappy

Kausik_Ram Answered:

In the life of normal people, sex is an important ingredieent for harmonious family life. In some cases it is possible for the husband or wife to be more desire for sex than the other. It is allso possible in yur case that the husband may be satisfying his sex needs with another woman. What you do is to forget about the thought on it and pretend to be happpy with him. Side by side you concentrate more on makeup and dress to make yourself more atractive. Then, when you can think and talk calmly talk to your husband as to why he is not having sex with you? From your side be calm and have no guess as to his reason. After the talk you may get the reason. Once th reason is found the remedy is easy. It is no use to spoil the life of you two and children

Lovelyone Answered:

I am currently in a similar situation going on a few months and From my perspective you summed it up correctly, that is like our spouse is nothing more than a roommate. I don’t feel happy now and I don’t think I will feel happy in the future if this continues. I have needs and I feel sex is an expression of our love. My attitude is suffering from lox of sex, I notice I have been stand offish and short than I will calm down only to find the same concerns running through my mind. Is he cheating, doesn’t he no longer love me, does he no longer find me attractive. Has he made a connection with someone else. But again you have been going through this longer than me and you seem to make it work....Do you two get a long well? I personally feel like sex is a very important part of a happy healthy relationship because what you get otherwise is sexual tension, concerns of cheating and love, and not to mention one spouse is completely dismissing the other’s needs.

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