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Asked by Last Updated:

Should you give up a friend when your husband is angry about it?

Last year my husband tried to stop my friendship with a gay man who is twenty years my junior.
He went so far as threatening him in a text.
I split up with my husband over this coercive and controlling behaviour for 6 weeks then decided to get back together with him.
In the meantime I ended my friendship with the gay man because of his issues with his own confusion about being gay.
 My husband and I went to couples counselling and a workshop that gave me hope he would see how his attempts at control were the main reason why I left him.
 Everything has improved and he has been working on control but still gets mad when he doesn’t think I am putting him first in all my friendships and activities.
 Recently I reconnected with my gay friend and he invited me to visit with him and his mother.
 I accepted as they were also helping me and we talked about some of our disagreements.
 When I told my husband I had visited he was furious, accused me of starting the friendship again and that if I cared about him (my husband) I wouldn’t see him again.
 There was no discussion about why I went, what I was thinking, just his feelings.
 It feels like he has returned to his desire to force me to do what he decides is best.
He denies controlling me and has basically left me in a position to chose between him and a potential friendship.
  It sounds easy right? The friend isn’t that important, but the principle is.
If I do tell my gay friend we can’t ever be friends I feel like I am succumbing to emotional blackmail.
   What do you think?

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