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Asked by Last Updated:

Overreacting or right on the money?

My husband used my computer profile to check his Facebook.
The next time I logged in, his Facebook popped up with a chat window open.
The chat was with a woman he used to work with several years ago.
Without even having to scroll, I could see that they were making lunch plans.
Of course, I was hurt and angry.
He was still at work and doesn't have a cell phone so I sent him a quick email that said In the future when he's making secret lunch plans with other women, he should make sure he doesn't leave it all up on my computer profile.
He wrote back and said it wasn't a secret.
It was just a work lunch and he was sorry it upset me.
I told him that since he obviously never planned to tell me about it, it was a secret and I didn't think he'd be really happy to find out I had a lunch date with some guy.
Especially one who had given me a gift for being a great listener.
(Yes, there's a backstory here.
In a nutshell, this woman found out her husband was cheating on her while she was working with my husband.
Apparently, he became her champion and confidante because at Christmas, she gave him a gift and a card thanking him for being such a good listener.
He's not a great listener to me so this caused a fight between us at the time.
Even after this fight, she and the husband (my husband said she wasn't going ot leave her husband) were moving.
EIther she asked my husband to help them move or he volunteered, this also prompted a fight between us, but he went ahead and helped her move anyway.
Even though we had young children and I told him his own family needed to be the priority, not her.
Somehow, we got past that.
She moved to a different job and I never heard about her again.
I presumed all that nonsense was over until I came across this secret lunch.
Of course, he's acting like I"m overreacting, which is classic behavior in infidelity scenarios.
This morning he said he isn't going to fight with me about it.
He didn't see yesterday's lunch the same way I did and he won't have lunch "with this particular woman" again.
I've got red flags and alarms blaring all over the place here.
Rightly so or what? I feel like if this was happening to my best friend, I'd believe something shady was going on, but I don't know what to do for myself.
I have our children to think about and they're at a tender time in life, ages 12 and 9.
This is awful.

1 Answers

FED-UP Answered:

I definitely believe something shady is going on. You haven't heard anything else about her since the move & now they are having a lunch date... so she is still associated with his work even though she moved? Was it just those 2 on the lunch date? Where did they go, casual place or fine dining? If he respected you, he would have talked to you about the lunch date first to see if you would be ok with it. So i have a feeling that if you had not seen the msg.... you would never had known about it. Definitely do not accuse him of anything (when you start to show that you are suspicious they will cover their tracks even deeper). Be cool and just be aware of things: how he acts with you, his phone, his work hours, his free time, etc. Surprise him with lunch at work or schedule an entire weekend for family activities and take notice of how he acts. The thing that i would be looking into is this woman.... Have you done any digging on her? Where did she move to? Is she really stll with her husband? Don't you think it's odd that she asked your husband to help them move? Why would her husband want a man helping them move who helped get him busted for cheating & who was his wife's shoulder to cry on? You only ask CLOSE friends to help you move or you hire professional movers. The husband would have asked HIS friends to help move heavy shit, not his wife's male friend. Just sounds fishy to me.

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