My wife wears inappropriate clothes to the office, and I feel uncomfortable about it.
My wife and I have been together for nine years now and we have a child as well.
She is pretty; I find her beautiful but the way she dresses, puts me off.
She is a very small chested and to hide that fact she wears push up lingerie.
Very recently she got some formal t-shirts.
She wears them to the office and usually keeps her top buttons open to flaunt her boobs.
I have noticed her many times doing this and personally feel very uncomfortable about it.
We have had conversations on this, but she seems to be unfazed.
She thinks I am stifling her, and says “I don’t like someone directing me about what to wear.
” Please suggest to me how should I make her realize that it bothers me.
It sounds like your wife is trying to feel desired and attractive and this happens in an office, women often wear shirts and open their top buttons and this usually stems from colleaugues doing the same. I don;t think it's anything to be worried about but we all want to feel attractive in work, we want people to think oh she's lovely. We as women sometimes need that level or validation.
It’s only fair that you should share your opinion about your level of comfort about things like these with her. But it’s completely fine if she’s not yet in a place where she can wrap her head around your idea of appropriate dressing.
Believe me, it’s not your blame to take. Also, if in your relationship you have checkmarked all other areas concerning love, affection, trust, compatibility and shared values and beliefs, it’s an easy route to take, to just let go of this one pet peeve.
If you keep throwing diktats on what to wear and what not to, she might just resort to funny mechanisms to wear provocative clothes, nonetheless, when she doesn’t find you prying on her.
The best thing to do would be to occasionally sound her about your concern for her safety and discomfort at having other men ogle at her, distastefully. But, do that in the most calm and composed way, without sounding pushy or judgy.
People don’t change. You do not have to kowtow to her idea of what’s appropriate and what’s provocative. But choose to follow the ‘live and let live’ maxim. You can only vocalize your concern in a dignified manner. Crossing the threshold of grace and dignity in your choice of words will only escalate the discord to a bigger rift.