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Asked by Last Updated:

Sexless Marriage

I've been married for more than 25 years -  I've been complaining for the last 17 years about the lack of enough sex.
 I've begged, I've yelled, I've explained.
My sex "clock" is that I "need" that 2X per week and that never happens.
Once per week on the same day is our life.
 I've given up and the second time per week I take care of that myself.
I have no desire to get a divorce.
I have kids.
My wife is my soulmate and my best friend.
I'm so tempted, I travel for a living and am tempted by strip clubs, porn sites, and further.
I don't know what to do, but I am tired of having HALF of the sex that I need and never thought that I'd be "taking care of it myself" nearly as often as I did when I was single.
I don't want to cheat but to me, a spouse who knowingly ignores their spouse's needs really should have no complaint when the other cheats.
When I was younger, I always looked down on people who cheated, but now I understand.

2 Answers

Kwaps2017 Answered:

I agree a conversation is needed and i think some honesty from your side that you are tempted by strip clubs etc because you ahve needs.. Maybe try and describe it from a feeling perspective not just that you need sex 2 x per week but that you want to be intimate with your partner, spontaneuous, you want to still make love. I am in the same situation as you, my husband is older than me and has no desire to have sex at all. I'd like sex once a week but we are now at every three months and it gets lonlier so get to the root of the issue now and maybe some romantic breaks, spice things up with some romance or a fantasy whatever floats eachothers boat.

Roeshell Answered:

Hey! Relax, Having bad or no sex in a married life is something which is not rare but natural. It happens with many and not just with you. So, be calm and try to deal with this situation peacefully. Have you ever discussed it with your better half about what exactly is lacking between you both? If it is just sex, then you should mutually decide how to deal with it. I understand it's a personal issue and one cannot force the other to indulge in a sex. It comes naturally. There is much informative content available on the Internet to know how you can spice up your energies in bed. But if it is related to any health issue or psychological issue, you must discuss it with a counselor first or take suitable medication for that. Also, I suggest you to please try to connect with your spouse on an emotional level. This is also known as emotional intimacy. It involves a perception of closeness to another that allows sharing of personal feelings, accompanied by expectations of understanding, affirmation, and demonstration of caring. This way when you connect with your spouse on an emotional level, chances are that you can mutually balance up your sexual and married life as well. A healthy conversation and a good study on how to improve emotional intimacy in a relationship can help you in sorting out this matter. I hope things will fall into place soon! Take Care!

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