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Asked by Last Updated:

seperate savings account

I have been married to my husband for 18 years.
he has always been irresponsible with money.
If it wasn't for me making sure the bills are paid, we would be homeless.
He does work and makes a good living, but anything left over after bills, he feels he needs to spend.
I like to save.
Anytime we have had savings, it is gone within months.
I use the savings also, but it is for medical emergencies, car trouble etc, not hobbies, or hanging with friends.
He is a full-blown alcoholic and drinks up whatever is left out of his check each week.
He blames me for us being broke, because I don't work.
We have four kids and I had been homeschooling two them, then was ill, but now am looking for a job again.
Recently he found out I received an insurance check for the damages from an appliance and put it in my own savings account.
It had only my name on it.
I do pay for necessities out of it, but it is meant to be saved for emergencies.
He is always mentioning it, and saying I need to use it towards bills, not hoard it.
I should pay half of everything with the savings since it has my name on it.
He is very angry that I have some money, he can't spend.
He always threatens to leave me and the kids, he has before and I was penniless.
He left again and wants a divorce, he says because I have savings without his name on it.
But at least, the kids and I are not broke this time.
I feel I put my emotions aside and thought about potential bad situations.
He says I am controlling.
I feel really bad for him leaving.
But I can't help but feel this was an excuse to leave.
Was I wrong to have a bank account?? I haven't read anything that says it's against the law, despite being married.
After all, he saves his money, for whatever he buys.
I can't reason with him.
I do want to save our marriage, but I feel I am protecting the family.

3 Answers

bunnyhabit Answered:

i believe he is doing this only to get his hands on the cash in your private account. you should still get a legal separation and tell him when he shows for six months that he truly loves you and the children by his behavior and commitment that you will consider a joint account and allowing him cohabitation again. don't fold for simple saying he is not drinking. his lack of affection and communication with you is a red flag that no love exists in his heart.

He has stopped drinking for the last two weeks and his attitude has gotten better. He called the kids last night and spoke to them. It seems he is really angry about supporting me and paying bills. So, when he found out his name is not on the account he flipped. The bank set the account up that way, not me. Anyway, I am pissed that he didnt set down and talk anything out, just packed and left me with the kids. Seems like eighteen years together doesn't matter.The kids think its really childish. What really is bad is that I am supposed to be getting a settlement for a medical malpractice suite and he still wants his share after dumping us.

bunnyhabit Answered:

i agree with you this is merely an excuse and a man control over his woman issue. The real problem is his alcoholism that correction to have any chance at a happy marriage for you and your children. Since you still love him and having four children getting a divorce and finding a new partner is going to be extremely difficult. Guys will sign up to a divorcee with one or two children but rare to find anyone ready to handle four step children. But i don't know how you are going to convince him to seek rehabilitation since he wants to divorce you and leave you high and dry with the children. I would suggest a legal separation so you are ensured the necessary income to support the children. Perhaps time apart will make him ready to fix his problems to salvage your marriage. Changing the bank account to joint will have little impact on a happy marriage.

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