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Asked by Last Updated:

How can I break the cycle?

My wife and I got married 6 years ago and we rarely have sex.
Even when we do have sex, it's the same position every time.
I've mentioned fantasies to try and spice things up, and asked her about hers, but she says she doesn't have any.
She was very sexually active before we met, but now, she's never in the mood.
I know she's not cheating on me as well.
We're both in our 30s.
She says she has no interest in sex because of her body image (she's overweight and calls herself hideous all the time) I have made it a point to get fit.
I go to the gym 4-5 times a week.
She started going at the beginning of the year but didn't see immediate results, so she stopped going regularly at all.
Lately, she always says she wants to go to the gym, but ends up avoiding exercise any time we talk about going to the gym.
She can't control her cravings, she's constantly yo-yoing on diet.
We don't have kids.
I do all the chores around the house and cook unless I'm sick, and she gets mad in general frequently.
What can I do to break the cycle?

1 Answers

Roeshell Answered:


I hope you are fine now!

It's very much okay and natural to deal with a situation like such.

Coming to the sex issue, Yes, age sometimes becomes the reason for not being enthusiastic about sex. It's good that you discussed it with her and bring this to her awareness as well.

As mentioned above, she is a little over-weight which could be the reason for fewer sex cravings. No worries, in a situation like this, what helps the most is developing an emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy is an intense intellectual and emotional closeness with another person that leads to love. Emotional intimacy is present in close relationships which share feelings, thoughts, and possible secrets.

Sometimes when physical attachment doesn't work, developing an emotional trust between each other helps in developing physical intimacy. It is much like physical intimacy.

Have patience!

Talk to her politely, let her know how much you love and what small you expect from her in return. Show her how much you work even for maintaining a smooth house routine so that she doesn't need to work harder.

Make her realise how you support her in smallest of the things.

Coming to a gym routine

At such an older age followed with over-weight, GYM routine really needs a good level of motivation.

Who likes to wake up early, lifting weight every day. An exertion like such needs dedication and positivity around.

Talk with her about this and be her motivational support.

This way thing can fall into place.

I hope you understand it and try to develop that hidden trust bond between each other.

Good Luck!

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