So, I’ve known my husband for over 30 years.
We got married in the early 90’s but the marriage only lasted for 3 years, before we divorced.
We went our separate ways but remained friends.
He was always a great friend and available whenever I called.
A few years ago, I reached out to him because I was in an abusive relationship with another man.
He answered the call and helped me out of the abusive relationship.
He decided to relocate back to city and we started spending more time together.
Things hit off immediately in month.
We began dating again and decided to get married after being convinced by some mutual friends.
Since then, we’ve been married for about 4 years but I’m trying my hardest to get away from this man.
He doesn’t believe in bringing his pay check home to me.
He likes to smoke and drink in the house and I have asked him multiple times to take the mess outside.
He doesn’t believe he should pay all the bills in the house, nor contribute to the cleaning.
I’m so sick of his cheap ways, please offer me some advice.
It took me a few times to read your post before it hit me. Nowhere in your post did it mention of your working. Instead of complaining about what he’s not doing, how about you get off your behind and get a job and maybe you wouldn’t have so much time to complain about him. In my marriage, we work together as an entity, not an individual.
This isn’t the 1940’s, when the man was expected to bring home his paycheck and give it to his wife. This is 2014! A grown man should be able manage the bills without his wife managing his money. Yes, he works for his family and is supposed to provide for you’ll but he’s not obligated to turn over his entire paycheck to you. Get real, woman!
I don’t think your husband is lazy. I think you are too controlling. As long as he helping with the bills and have a legal job, everything you’re talking is irrelevant. If you were married to him once, then you should know him better than anyone else. Maybe, you should evaluate yourself and why you remained friends with your ex-husband! Just a start at putting your life back together!
In a way, your husband does seem like a good person at heart. Try to talk some sense into him, not by shouting or complaining but by example. What I mean is that you should use the embarrassment technique. Make it a point that you do all the household work, even things that he expects you wouldn’t do. Do ask him for any help but yes be firm. Try to maintain a stern distance. Do go goo-gaga over him. Be like a stoic matron who takes it upon herself to make the life of others better. Do this for a month and your husband will turn a new leaf. If he doesn’t then your relationship was not worth saving in the first place.