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Asked by Last Updated:

Being a foster parent is not easy.

My wife is working as a nurse at a local hospital.
She met a pregnant young lady who asked her to take the child after the delivery.
At that time, my wife felt nervous and excited at the same time.
For three years of being married, we were not blessed with a child yet, so she agreed with the young lady.
She told me everything about it and I agreed too.
After the delivery, we took the child and adopted her.
I let the baby use my last name.
However, the adoption was not really legal.
The young lady just asked us to take her child and that was it.
Now that the child is already ten years old, her “real” mother came back to take the child.
Of course, my wife did not let it happen but the mother of the child got mad and wanted to sue us.
I know we have to let the child be with her real mother but it’s just really heartbreaking, especially for my wife.
Loving me or loving each other is never enough.
Sadly, we can’t have our own child.

1 Answers

Roeshell Answered:


It's a very critical situation. One wrong step could make you lose your foster child.

But, adopting him illegally is one of the wrong decisions you made. 

As you said above, it has been 10 years since you are treating him like your own child. I appreciate you for that.

Now that the lady (real mother) is after you, you evidently have many options to win over her. 

  • It's you who have been feeding the child for many years, today you deserve to remain his parents.
  • Since you are capable enough to raise him with due care and facilities, you deserve to keep him with you.
  • It will be a brownie point for you if a child's real mother is not financially sound. In such case, you may get the court's decision in your favour.
  • Now that child's real mother is back after 10 years of disappearance, you must take the case to court/legal authorities. This way you can get a chance to adopt him back legally. So that the lady (real mother) won't bother you in future again.
  • Approach legal authorities who can then question the child to make a choice for himself. 
  • Bring the matter to a mutual compromise. Sit with your family including the child's real mother and discuss what could be the possible solution for it. Keeping in mind the feelings of both parties, you can offer her real mother to meet her kid at intervals (once a week; once a month; once a year). This could be a satisfying decision on both ends.

On a closing note: It's better to go for a legal suggestion. Consult a legal counselor or an advocate.

Good Luck!

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