I am going to try and make this short.
My husband and I have been married for years but been in a relationship for 16 years.
The first 12years was great.
We were connected on all levels.
The some tradigies started hitting us one by one.
We both have a son and daughter from previous marriage.
He's are the older of the 4.
He's son got in trouble with drugs and now is spending 5 or more years in jail.
Then my son, age 15 was injuried in a hunting accident in 2014 and passed away.
I have not completely recovered from that loss.
I think that is when I became unable to have emotions or feelings.
2015 we took in his daughters 3- children, age 2,4,9.
That put a huge strain on on marriage.
My parenting skills are nothing like his, plus they are biologically his grandkids and mine only by heart.
Since 2015, I have loss interest in my marrigae- I have tried to put my loss behind me and just be happy, I have failed.
My faith in God, is very strong.
Since then, I have loss a grandchild, a girl at 21weeks.
So, I never got to meet her, but I loved her greatly.
I recently loss my mother to COPD.
Now current in my life, my marriage is suffering greatly.
We have been basically with out any kind of sexual intimacy for nearly a year.
I know in my heart that my husband loves me, he has tried to be intimate on several occasion only to be shut down by me.
I have totally loss my desire for sex.
I have thoughts of leaving him a lot.
I find my self looking for ways out.
I can say i love my husband, I am just emotionally gone, I don't know how to let my self show my love.
I am the problem in the marriage, I don't know how to fix me.
We tried counceling and that did not work for us.
I know God does not want me living like this, I simply don't know how to regain my feelings and emotions.
What is wrong with me and how can I fix me.