I have never been with someone who is narcissistic but I have had many partners who had some crappy characteristics. I have always had the mentality that if you can’t live with it leave and if you choose to stay you have to be okay dealing with it because people often don’t change. That being said, if you love him despite his flaws that’s great! My husband has many flaws as do I and I’m sure you do too. My suggestion would be to find time for yourself or spend time with people who value you and give you extra attention. That way, when you’re with him you won’t get as upset that he is being a bit selfish.
It’s a risky step you’re taking. I would like to make it clear to you that no matter how hard you try eventually you’ll get tired and leave him. But since you want to give it a try, here are the things that you can do.
The thing is that a relationship with a narcissist requires compromises. The first order of action is learning to compromise. He will always do things that you don’t like and is unlikely to change. You need to accept that this will go on forever and forgive his actions each time.
The second order of action is accepting inferiority. To a narcissist, you will always be inferior. The only way he’ll ever accept you is if you stay ‘below’ him. He will not like if you do something that goes against his views and might retaliate with physical or mental torture.
The next problem his self-absorption will bring is called lack of ‘whole object relations.’ In Layman language, ‘whole object relations’ means that he will see himself and people around him either as “perfect” or “worthless”. He will be unable to understand imperfections and will never accept that people can have good and bad sides.
His self-absorption means that he will almost surely never understand you or even try to understand you and your problems. He will never take the blame for his mistakes and will push consequences of his actions on you.