Am I being too demanding? Or is it too late.
My wife and I have been married for 13 years.
I have been struggling for the last 7 or so years.
I'm retired military and I like to keep my house, my finances, and my family strait.
I'm not a demanding husband.
But I do expect my wife to be an adult and clean up after herself.
Show some respect and help out around the house and cook every once in a while.
Currently, we both work full-time jobs.
I work split shift nights and she works days.
I work a few days then I'm off a few days.
I come home in the morning around 6:30 (she is already gone).
I stay up and take the kids to school and then try and sleep.
Then I'm back up at 230 to go pick the kids up from school while she is napping.
I clean the house and try and cook dinner before I leave at around 5.
If I don't clean the house, cook, get groceries, do laundry, or anything else around the house that needs to be done, it doesn't get done.
We have talked several times over the years about needing help.
She has suffered from depression and is on meds now.
I asked her to seek professional help and she agreed that she needed to because she is aware that she isn't doing anything to help but just doesn't really care.
The last big talk we had was several months ago.
I keep asking if she has reached out to a mental health professional and she keeps saying "tomorrow" or "Monday I will".
Nothing has changed.
She makes a mess, I clean it up.
No food in the house and I'm running on 6 hours of sleep in 3 days, I'll get groceries and cook.
My question is this, am I being too demanding? I am thinking of suggesting a trial separation in hopes that she can see what it is really like to be an adult on her own.
Hoping maybe she will see what it is like to live with her.
Am I out of line? Does this have a chance to work? Or is it too little too late?
Also if you have to continue cleaning just shove all the stuff she takes out and put it where she lays on the couch. Stop making yourself more miserable by cleaning up after her she should grow up and take care of herself and if she can’t see that then she doesn’t deserve you. Don’t be afraid of telling her how you feel, but you can only express it so many times before you start losing yourself. She may be your wife but you and your kids are your priorities.
Honestly I’d embarrass her. I’d bring over someone that she looks up to or someone she despises and let them see how she lives if they ask why your house is a mess tell them your exhausted. If the counseling don’t work then it’s time to call it quits. Tell her your leaving and you’ll take the kids since your the one taking care of them anyways. Also start documenting the house and you cleaning just to show how she lives just for proof
Only you can decide if trial separation is right for you. But you need to find a way to show her all the things you do in a day. She needs to realize a household takes work and if she can’t put in the work then why is she staying? Maybe she has a bigger issue then depression? I knew 2 people that had thyroid problems and anytime they did anything they felt depleated and you could tell they did. Maybe she’s lacking attention and needs to feel alive? Not saying your abandoning her but even just not getting noticed in the world or by coworkers or anything can affect someone eventually.