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Asked by Last Updated:

Help a complicated Marriage

My story is a complicated one so apologies for the length.
I am really trying to keep it as short as possible.
To start, I have been married now for 6 years to someone I would have never chosen.
This wasn't an arranged marriage, it was more of a mistake that turned into possibly another mistake.
My wife is almost 14 years older than me and had recently gone through a divorce before meeting me.
She hung out with the younger crowd that I was with.
At some point we started hanging out together more often than with groups and developed a friendship.
We would hang out at a mutual friends place drinking and watching movies, which eventually led to drunken sexual activities.
There wasn't much of a physical attraction because she was older and always very overweight, I blame my hormones and drinking.
One day she calls me and tells me we needed to talk.
She picks me up and eventually breaks down and tells me she is pregnant.
We were both so devastated.
About a week passed of talking back and forth trying to figure out the next step.
She suggests that we get married asap to spare us from the guilt of having a baby out of wedlock.
(both our parents are very very conservative) I told her I didn't think it was a good idea, she had a history of miscarriages and if she lost it we would still be married.
I told her I would help take care of the baby definitely but we shouldn't get married.
She tells me that she would rather run away and kill herself than face her parents.
I agree to marry her not wanting anything bad to happen.
I pack my things and we secretly marry the next day.
Fast forward 6 months later she has a miscarriage.
She asks if I will stay with her still.
Me feeling bad for her at the time says yes.
Fast forward another year we have our first child.
Another year later we have a second.
A year after that her mother dies.
Now 6 years later we have two beautiful kids.
But there is a problem.
I can't stop thinking about how we got married.
I am still not physically attracted to her.
In the years being married I have learned she is not the most intelligent to say the least, unmotivated, lazy around the home, horrible with money, and treats me like a child.
I am embarrassed to be around young couples because she is constantly mistaken for my mother.
I feel like the whole marriage I have sacrificed my life making every choice to keep her happy and benefit her when deep down I am miserable and regret so much.
What am I supposed to do?

1 Answers

Grayskies Answered:

Divorce, you know the answer you just can’t let guilt control your life. You’ve given it your best chance and if she is unwilling to change things in the marriage then that should tell you that it’s not worth it. It will be sad because you have kids with her now but in the end it may be worth it considering your always going to wonder what could’ve been. Everyone deserves their own happiness and we only live a short time we can’t let guilt dictate the rest of our lives.

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