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Asked by Last Updated:

Silent treatment?

My husband and I have been married for almost six years.
Despite countless conversations about it and even some counseling sessions, any time that I bring up something about our marriage that I think needs attention or if I share that I am unhappy about something, my husband shuts down, avoids me, and gives me the silent treatment for days.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to bottle things up because that’s not healthy, but when even the simplest things turn in to this kind of response, I feel as though it’s not worth it to try to have mature conversations about our relationship.
Any advice?

2 Answers

Missferr Answered:

I hate to admit it, but I often give the silent treatment to my husband because I hate confrontation. And he never bothers to ask me what's wrong, nor does he seem to care. So I will shut down completely and ignore him until he addresses the issue. I am so stubborn that I will never be the first one to confront the problem. By the sounds of it though, you're trying. It could be that he loves the attention without having to give you any. That way he gets all the great treatment and still gets to be mad at you. I am very guilty of doing this, but only when I am LIVID with my husband.

Roll-the-Dice Answered:

The silent treatment is so destructive to the person on the receiving end, especially if it drags on for days. It is such a control tactic and can have terrible consequences down the line if you bottle up things and don't address the real issues. I know from my own experiences after being on the receiving end of it for many years and just accepting it. I would placate her and do anything to break the silence, including take the blame for things that I shouldn't have just to restore "normal" conversation. Now we are on thin ice after not dealing with issues for years and me having my fill of her emotional abuse, which included the silent treatment as a weapon. In the long run, accepting the silent treatment is not a healty option at all. I'd suggest keep trying to have those conversations and set up boundaries now that you aren't going to tolerate the silent treatment. I wish I did years ago and so do others who have been on the receiving end of it on long term basis. I think sometimes when we lack some idea of self and confidence, we accept what we shouldn't including the silent treatment. Accpeting it is just not a healthy, long term option.

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