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Asked by Last Updated:

Buying one GF expensive gifts and not buy any gifts for the other

My ex-husband use to buy me gifts all the time.
Even when we were financially unable.
He had told me that he can not bring himself to buy his new girlfriend anything and still sees things at the store that he wishes he could buy me.
Now I have a new guy.
I will call him my domestic partner, because we have been living together for over a year now.
He has not brought me any gift but a bra a week after Christmas that he took me to the store to pick out.
I have brought him gifts for every holiday even the little ones.
Some holidays I have brought him multiple gifts.
While he has never wrapped or surprised me with one single gift.
Then the other day he was telling me a story about him going to the beach with his ex and dog.
(which he does not take me on trips either, but another post for another time) and how he would take his dog everywhere, including the jewelry store.
He said the manager did not mind because he was always in there buying expensive gifts for his girlfriend at the time.
When I questioned how come he does not buy me gifts, he flat out told me it is because I live with him.
but she lived with him for 15 years.
After that, he lived by himself for over 7 years.
I was ok with him not expressing love through gifts, although I am accustomed to that and that is the way I show love.
but when he told me that that was the way he also shows love it broke my heart.
I don't know what to do or to say.
He did buy me flowers, twice, at the beginning of our relation and he has helped me a couple times with a car payment.
I take care of al the cleaning and washing clothes.
He had even told people how I take care of all his needs and how he has never had that before.
Yet I look at him not giving me gifts as he does not love me as much as he loved his ex's and that there is something wrong with me.
I feel horrible.
Do you think I am reading too much into this? What do you think his actions mean?

3 Answers

DeEva Answered:

 But, frankly speaking, I think the best solution is to speak to him directly. He must understand that there are things that are necessary for you and he must respect your wishes and give you attention. I am sure that it is just a habit. Once, he understood that you do not need presents so he never makes them. Explain to him that there is no necessity to spend much money to make a gift there are many available options to make your girl happy with some jet gift basket for her. To be honest, I think that his previous girlfriend insisted on spending money on her, and possibly he afraid that such a story would not be repeated. But, of course, he should not go to extremes.

DeEva Answered:

Honestly, I would also be unpleasant. I would speak to him directly in your place. He must understand that there are things that are necessary for you.

Leah1234 Answered:

This is probably a silly question but have you told your partner that you would like to receive gift from him because that’s the way you would like him to express his love? Ask yourself how does he express his love to you now? Does he go out of his way to spend quality time with you? Does he put you first? How giving is he in a non materialistic way? If so, this may show that he loves you more than his ex, he is able to give you more than he could give her. And he was filling that void with gifts for her.

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