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Asked by Last Updated:

dissatisfaction and ED ?

My DH is in the late thirties, I am in my early thirties.
We have sex once a week.
The thing is that our intercourse looks like this: I do him with my hand, then oral and then he turns me on my side and do me from the back like for 2 min.
That is it.
He cannot do it longer, and honestly, he can get a fully hard erection anymore.
And- I just get to turn on, he has already finished.
He sleeps immediately, then I finish myself, otherwise I cannot sleep.
He says that it is my fault that I cannot orgasm in that time.
He had more than 10 sex partners before me (I had only one and did come only by finger or orally), and he said all of them were able to orgasm at that time.
That something is wrong with me.
I did come only by penetration alone (before having kids), with a lot of stimulation, but I did.
And my clit is very sensitive, I don't need much, only gently touch, after giving birth is even worse, but he just doesn't get it.
He has no motivation or energy for 2 min for me.
And that is my fault that he doesn't go down on me or cuddles me or kisses me because I am so nervous and tense.
I really try to relax not to be tighten up.
We have two kids under 2, I still breastfeed, I am all day long alone with kids.
Yes, I cannot be in perfect mood, but that is a reason that we don't have sex? And I do encourage sex in 90% of all cases.
I don't know.
Before kids we did good.
I was able to orgasm, he made an effort.
Now, just everything is my fault.
I tried to talk about this with him for several times, but he only concludes that I am the problem and that is it.
He wont do couple therapy, only I need a therapy.
And - we both gained a lot of weight recently and are chronically sleepless.
I did sleep 5 hours through, only once in last 3 years.
What can I do? Could he be cheating on me? Is he just overtired? Thank you!!

1 Answers

Dallas Answered:

I don't think anyone can say with certainty what's going on with him. Except that he's dead wrong and lying about those women he was with orgasming that quickly. The entire internet will tell you that. 2 kids under two and breastfeeding and you both having gained weight and him with no time to exercise probably (that helps erections)? Poor you guys. It might take time, until the kids are older. But maybe you need to work on what you said: "And that is my fault that he doesnt go down on me or cuddles me or kisses me....because I am so nervous and tense. I really try to relax not to be tighten up." Get some therapy for that. Then say to him it's go time. :)

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