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Asked by Last Updated:

Help with children and in-laws

My father-in law has this thing where if someone asks him not to do something he will do it full force just to prove "no one tells him what to do.
" For instance, I have anxiety in the car and asked him to please drive slowly down a small portion of the road where the trees were overgrown and the road was especially curvy.
It was less than a half mile of our 45 mile drive.
He got furious, sped up, and drove as recklessly as possible to torment me, causing me to have a panic attack where I cried in the back seat the rest of the way.
He never apologized and I think he was actually quite proud of himself for proving his point so thoroughly.
The third time an incident like this happened involved me telling him I didn't want my (at the time) one year old daughter outside by their pool at night.
It resulted in him calling me a disrespectful, controlling, psychotic liar who was trying to take his family away.
I decided at the time that I would no longer have a relationship with him and wouldn't return to his house.
After offering to meet them anytime, anywhere, other than their house to let them spend time with their granddaughter and being told "I guess she'll never know who we are, " I caved in to their guilt trip and let my husband continue to take our daughter over to their house without me.
I should have stood my ground and made them compromise but I wanted them to know I wasn't trying to use my daughter to get what I wanted from them.
Anyway, I am pregnant now with my second child and all I can think is I don't want to have to give up time with my children, even just for a few hours, because my father in law can't be a decent human being.
I want to be able to protect them from ever feeling the way he made me feel.
I want them to know that their feelings are valid and they have every right to ask anyone in this world to stop doing something that's making them uncomfortable.
I recently found out my father in law's behavior may be due to a personality disorder and it makes me not want my daughter and the new baby over there at all until he gets help.
I am having a hard time thinking of options that will allow them to see their grandkids but won't punish me in the process.
I will absolutely not be returning to my in laws house since I'm not allowed to make any requests on my or my children's behalf but I also don't want my children going over there anymore either.
We live 2 hours away and have a hard time convincing my in laws to leave the house for any occasion.
They won't even show up to birthday parties because they feel they will be "ostracized.
" What options do I have?

1 Answers

Alice257 Answered:

Being alone is never the solution to any problem, and kids do seek for grandparent's love and affection. I would suggest that you must ask your husband to fix the things and get the family back together.

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