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Asked by Last Updated:

Relationship between wife and my parents causing me sadness

My parents express their unhappiness to me all the time on the phone that my wife never calls them or texts them.
This makes me very sad and depressed as I also feel this is very important to me too.
I really love my parents and my wife and wish we can all be closer and more tight knit.
Her parents live abroad and mine are about 5 hrs drive.
We (wife and my parents) have had issues in the past this is a very sensative topic in our house.
Last visit to my parents house went ok.
My wife got along with my mom and they chatted, etc.
But soon as we come home, she sort of "closes her doors" and loses touch with them.
All I would ask from my wife is just call my mom once in a while.
This would make me and my parents very happy.
I don't know how to say this to her or bring it up as she takes offence to any topic about "my parents".
It's such as simple thing but really causing me a huge feeling of sadness for the past 3+ years.
I'd really appreciate any advice or experience on this topic! Thank you all.
 

2 Answers

Blueskies99 Answered:

Thanks for the response blessidu and the thoughtful answer! I was afraid that would be case because what really frustrates me about the whole thing is that I have little control over the situation. Thanks for reassuring me that I need to stay patient over this sensative situation and that nothing is “wrong”.

Blessidu Answered:

You can't force your wife to have a close relationship with your parents. I suspect she's either protecting herself from pain that they have caused her previously that she doesn't want to go through again, or she gets all the support and love she needs from other relationships in her life that aren't as complicated as the ones she has with your parents. You seem to love your parents very much and want your wife to love them just as much as you do, but it is impossible for her. She didn't grow up with them taking care of her. She has her own parents to love unconditionally. If she doesn't talk to her own family much she may just enjoy her independence and not feel the need to check in all the time. If she's being polite and respectful to your parents then they have a pretty good relationship. You should reassure your parents that nothing is wrong and let your wife talk to them as little or as much as she's comfortable with.

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