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Asked by Last Updated:

Husband will not share his deeper feelings or fears and there's no emotional connection

Separated currently.
He refuses to discuss some hurts that have not been resolved and there is a lack of trust, from his infidelity during a past separation.
He refuses to show outwardly that he is married, such as ring, marriage status on social media, etc.
and though, I've explained how it makes me feel, he's not changed any of it.
He just refuses to go into a deeper conversation and becomes angry if I attempt to push the issue, even gently.
Talk is always surface stuff, but I felt closer to him before we married.
He admitted he got comfortable in our marriage.
I felt I was dealing with much of the responsibilities on my own.
I shared that I feel neglected, want his attention, and emotional connection is missing.
He is a workaholic but I feel he works, to keep busy, in order not to feel.
I'm tired of him working his days off, not spending quality time, and not working on us, as he promised.
If I see him, it's the left over hours in the day.
His work schedule is awful, going to bed well before I can, as we have kids.
I don't feel heard by him and I sense he harbors resentment towards me.
He says he's tired of fighting, well I am too, but he refuses to take responsibility for his actions/words and will not go to counseling with me or look up anything online for improvements.
He knows I've been willing to work on things.
I think he is depressed, but then so am I.
He tells me he wants me but his actions and commitment don't show this.
How can I get him to be honest and open up?

2 Answers

Victor27 Answered:

it sounds like he doesn't feel worthy for some reason, perhaps, as you say he might be depressed. I suggest seeing a doctor to rule out anything physical. On your side, you feel unworthy and unloved and it's wearing you down because you feel alone in this endeavor. So, help yourself. A place to start is with your thinking, learning to have thoughts that feel good. 

Blessidu Answered:

It sounds like your husband has already checked out of your marriage. Sometimes there is nothing you can do if the other person won't put any effort in. It's heartbreaking but the only thing left to do is walk away if he is refusing counseling and won't try.

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