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Asked by Last Updated:

Sexual harassment or liking?

Hi.
I am an artist, 31, from India.
I was at the receiving end of a sexual advance by a colleague who claimed he "was attracted to me", by shoving his hand into my panty the 2nd day he met me (post work) while I sat behind him on a bike after he offered to drop me back from work to a metro station.
He had never asked me if I have a personal life or told me he liked me, asked for my permission before attacking my panty or any other part of my body or asked me out on a date if he really liked me.
I felt violated and considered it a 'sexual assault', because I considered what he did dirty and considered it too big a leap to presume that degree of entitlement over the most intimate parts of my body without valuing my consent, even if we were "decently" flirting or being nice and charming with each other.
I was offended that he even dared to make a "Sexual move" on me rather than inquire about my personal life, or show interest in me the person or wanting to spend quality time with me to get to know me or like me as a person.
That was the only thing on his mind, and he attacked the most intimate part of my body violently with a sense of entitlement without knowing me based on the pretext that he "liked me".
I like many men but I never attack any sexual or intimate part of their body without asking.
Is it normal for a man to make such a move on a woman if he is attracted to her? Is it supposed to be taken as a compliment or a sign or disrespect because he took my body for granted without my consent, no matter how attracted he may have been to me? Is it normal for me to consider sexual advances which incorporate touching my body offensive rather than approaching me for a relationship or the person I am? Please share your thoughts.

2 Answers

Ynages Answered:
Questioner Answered:

Your limits are yours to set. Sounds like you alraedy know how you feel about this incident. Make your preferences clear to him. Decide for yourself if he has enough positive qualities to pursue or allow more relationship than work requires. If he continues to violate your boundaries after you've made them clear to him, then definitely do not pursue or allow, and report him to your employer. Here in the USA most workplaces have a three strikes rule: it's up to the harrassed to announce the first strike to the harrasser, then the employer can issue the next to as they are made aware of things. Your individual situation may vary there, but most of this advice will apply anyway.

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