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Asked by Last Updated:

Newlywed and unhappy - no sex life

My wife and I have been married for 6 months and I love her very much, but as soon as we married our sex life became non-existant.
My wife was never overly sexual but we used to have sex roughly once per week, it's now been over 2 months and we have not.
My wife does still have desire, and she's woken me up in the middle of the night to perform oral sex on her a few times in those 2 months, however as soon as she finishes she would just roll over and go to bed.
I know I need to talk to her about this to find out what's going on, but it feels like whenever I talk to her about anything negative in our marriage she breaks down, calls herself a failure, and I'm left consoling her.
It's gotten to the point where I'm just faking everything.
It's definitely been a 1 sided relationship since our marriage.
She doesn't work, but that's not her fault.
We moved somewhere with very little opportunity for her in order to pursue my dream career, but she doesn't even look for opportunities.
She doesn't help around the house in any way.
Hell, it feels more like I have a teenage child than a wife.
I know this isn't all on her.
I admit I struggle with communication, especially with setting boundaries and enforcing them.
I just don't know how to broach the subject with her about just how unhappy I am.
It doesn't help that we keep different hours.
I wake up early morning, she gets out of bed mid afternoon.
Once she's awake she goes right for her computer and never leaves it.
We used to do things together, but not anymore.
We don't even eat meals together.

4 Answers

Kwaps2017 Answered:

Sounds like tehre may be some resentment from her side in relation to you and the dream career and her now not having anything and mnaybe she's now taking that out in other ways of the relationsip. I think tere needs to be a few things; - A hobby / job for her to enroll in even if it's volunterring so she feels like she has some self worth and starts to rebuild her own life again - A mutual chore list for the house so you both enroll in some duties and get her intersted in the house again - Defintaely eat together, no TV, maybe music and chat, talk about your days etc - A conversation about the sex life side of it and find our what's troubling her and spurring her lack of interest

Brathwhite Answered:

Yeah, I think you should follow the tactics what the OP said already. Ask your wife in details. Thanks!

Leah1234 Answered:

She may not like sex. Sometimes penetration is not confortable for women, but oral sex is. Maybe you should sit her down and really ask her what’s going on. If anything at all you guys could have non penetration sex, it’s something to consider if she does confess that penetration is not comfortable. It is quite selfish that she expects you to finish her off but she won’t finish you off.

CindyBaker Answered:

There seems to be a very strong disconnect between you and your wife. She seems to experience mood swings, and appears to be listless, and withdrawn. In order to build a spark in your relationship, you will need to visit a marriage counselor. Her problem appears to be not just sexual inhibitions but a general disinterest and despair. A visit to a marriage counselor should supercede other priorities in your marriage. Have faith, it's all workable.

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