I feel like I am dying inside
I need help and I am so lost and scared.
The best thing that ever happened to me hates me or at least that is how it feels.
He can't even look at me.
I know he loves me but I don't think he can get past it.
A few years back before we married, our relationship was at a low.
He has always been a non-talker, when things are bothering him, when he is overwhelmed, he never says anything.
He just deals with it.
I am not a confident woman, years of abuse as a child and then an ex-husband.
I was lonely when he ignored me.
A guy started talking to me online, we became friends.
It escalated on his part, he sent me images.
For some reason I kept them.
I eventually deleted them but not before he found them.
He saw them and imagined the worst, that I have been sending him the equal.
Instead of confronting me he kept it in.
like everything else he pushed it aside and pretending he could ignore it.
When he finally did speak with me, it was to tell me he wanted to work things out that he wanted me.
I felt the same.
So I completely stopped speaking with that man and just focused everything I had on him.
For years he kept imagining the worst, he couldn't let it go and it festered inside.
He refused to bring it up and I spent these last few years in blissful ignorance.
Till a week ago.
I noticed changes in him, stress, anger, I pushed and pushed and finally the truth came out.
He told me he knew, told me that he imagined the worst these past few years.
I was shocked and I was so hurt.
To imagine all this time he was in such pain and I caused it!! This was all my fault, all because I had a brief moment of insecurity.
The last few years have hit me like a bulldozer.
How could I have been so blind, so stupid! I don’t want to lose him but I don’t know how to talk to him.
How to reach him.
He is just a wall of anger and hurt and I don’t think I can reach him.
I told him everything.
Explained that I never sent him images of me nude.
He believes me, at least I think… but he is just so damn angry.
Please help me! I am so scared, I can’t lose him.
The fact that he is not very vocal and demonstrative, has aggravated the matters. He has allowed the resentment to fester, and negativity to aggravate. It's hurting him badly and you know it. So the best you can do is, continue giving your silent support, love, care and companionship to him, without expecting him to transform into a positive, recovered man overnight. Be transparent in all matters, seek his opinion on smallest of matters, making him realize of his relevance in your life. Also, it would be a good idea to visit a marriage counselor who can help restore your marriage happiness and repair the damage caused.