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Asked by Last Updated:

Caught Wife Sexting...What to do?

So, wife said she wanted to try an open marriage, any guys dream right? Sounded good to me as well.
at first anyway.
She was quick to go through with it.
I however had trouble coping with her sleeping with someone else.
I decided I wanted no part of this and told her I was not into it.
This of course made her upset as we "agreed'.
She complied and said if I don't do it, she would not be able to either.
I knew she was upset, but I just did not like it.
After a while I was getting a feeling that soemthing was not right.
I went against my better judgement and checked her phone.
To my surprise she was inappropriatley texting another man.
I was devestated.
talk about what they would do to eachother, and even about times they met up to makeout.
I confronted her and she said it was all fantasy, and was the same as porn to her.
I said, umm no, Porn does not reply to you.
She told me she would stop, but I do not believe her one bit.
She has since locked the phone.
I am having a difficult time trusting her anymore.
My every thought is what is she upto.
 She says she loves me, and I still love her more than anything.
I just am having a hard time living with the trust thing.
I never know what she is doing behind my back and if her phone is locked it leads me to believe she is still texting.
Should I leave, or should I trust her? I just am tired of always wondering.

1 Answers

Bluej91 Answered:

Hey there. I feel like I am in a very similar situation as you. My wife and I both tried the open marriage thing. At first it was great. After a few months, though, I found that she was developing some very real emotional connections to the few men that she was sleeping with. I didn't like it, so I told her and we agreed to stop. After that, however, she put a passcode lock on her phone and she would stay up very late texting and Snapchatting people, always with her phone directed away from me so that I couldn't see. I became very paranoid about what she could be doing behind my back. Obviously, after a while, my paranoia got the best of me and I looked in her phone one day when she left it open. Unfortunately, I was right and she was actually having an affair with one of her friends. I'm not saying that your wife is cheating on you. But I do think that you and are faced with the same problem: can we ever truly trust our spouse again, and if we can't, should we leave? I still love my wife and I think we will seek out a marriage counselor to help us start healing and slowly building trust. If you feel like you aren't in a situation where you and your wife can have a healthy talk about your problems, maybe you should see if she would be open to counseling for the sake of your relationship.

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