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Asked by Last Updated:

He won’t sleep with me

Hi,  Just looking for some advice regarding my situation.
I’m 21 and he’s 25.
And he was very sexual before me and had slept with a large number of people.
I have been living with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now.
We have a dog and everything is good minus one large aspect.
My boyfriend won’t have sex with me.
I attempt to initiate frequently and I am rejected every time.
We were very sexual when we first got together and he constantly wanted to sleep with me but due to trust issues I told him I wasn’t prepared to sleep with him until we were more serious.
We have spoken about our lack of intimacy probably over 20/30 times and how it affects my self-confidence anxiety etc.
He says every time he knows doesn’t mean to upset me etc and that he will try to make an effort.
I’ve asked if he’s depressed and he always says he isn’t and I tend to believe him.
I have told him I do t need sex and that even any physical contact would be fine but he then goes on to say how he can’t do anything about it just now.
I don’t know what to do and don’t know how much longer I can do this.
I have no one to speak to about this as none of my fiends know.
They knew for about a year and then eventually I told them we had slept together as I felt judged.
Looking for anyone who is or has been in this situation and anyone else that can offer any other advice.

2 Answers

Jamie76 Answered:

Agreed. Porn and masturbation kill sex and relationships.

Dragonfly123 Answered:

Hey there, i saw saw your post and I can relate to you so much! I’m 21 he’s 24. just like you, my boyfriend had slept with a large amount of girls before we met. In the beginning we had amazing sex, it was frequent as both our sex drives were the same. We have been together now for a year and a half and over the past 4-5 months our sex life has disappeared. I’ve found that at the beginning we both initiated sex Equally but now it’s always me initiating it...sometimes when I initiate it because it’s been a while, we don’t even have sex he just wants me to pleasure him. (Which in my opinion is unfair) I have spoken to him a few times asking what has happened to our sex life and if it’s something to do with me and he just responds saying it’s not me and that he’s been tired a lot recently which I completely understand. He always used to be up for it even at like 3am! But now even when his days off he isn’t up for it or we don’t have it because I’ve given up trying to initiate it! the worst part is, I know he masturbates daily and even after speaking about how often he masturbates he still sticks to the “I’m just tired”... My advice to you is perhaps ask how often he masturbates? Maybe this is why like my boyfriend he isn’t having sex anymore with you? I feel like it’s knocked back my confidence a hell of a lot because we no longer have sex and knowing he masturbates daily makes me feel like he’s chosen his hand and porn over me? Even though we used to have sex daily, I know that at the start of any relationship sex is more frequent because the relationship is new. However, sex shouldn’t just stop? Especially seeming as he used to have such a high sex drive before we met and even at the start of our relationship! Im just as confused and worried as you, so hopefully my advice has been helpful to you xx

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