What to Do When You No Longer Know Your Spouse?

What to do When You No Longer Know Your Spouse

You don’t know me anymore. You may think that you do, but you don’t. It’s not your fault and I’m not mad. But the thing is, you just don’t know me anymore because I’m not who I used to be.

I’m someone new. And I hope that you will choose to get to know me all over again, because that could be kinda fun. What do I mean? Let me ask you this — do you get a twinge of exhilaration at the idea of meeting and falling in love with a new person — do you remember how that feels?

Well, you can feel that way again. By falling in love again. With who you ask? You can fall in love with me. Yes, me…your wife.

As much as two people want to be and stay in love forever, the reality is that experiences change people. For those in a relationship, work stress, the stress of trying to conceive, the stress of parenthood, financial stress, and even struggles within oneself can all lead to problems in your marriage. Yet, the main reason I suspect why so many unions collapse is because one or both the spouses change, and they decide not to meet and fall in love with this new person they are living with.

There’s reluctance to embrace change within your partner. It is likely that you entered your relationship and marriage with the understanding that the person you were vowing your life to would remain the exact same (or close to) person throughout your time together. Yet, we all know that so many things in this world are not static; we probably never thought that our partner was one such thing — but they are.

If you want to sustain your relationship and keep your marriage intact then you should follow these 5 tips for meeting and falling in love with this new person, formerly known as your spouse.

1. Flirt, flirt and, flirt some more

Remember when you two were hot for one another and you would leave each other love notes and pinch one another’s behind. DO THAT!

2. Ask questions

Knowing every single thing about someone is, well, boring. Ask one another some fun questions and some harder questions. It honestly doesn’t matter what you are asking them, as long as your inquiries are a way to learn about your partner. Be prepared to encourage and accept raw, genuine answers.

3. Listen intently and actively

When you have been with someone for a while, sadly you sometimes begin to tune them out or half-listen. Don’t do that. Recall back to the early stages of any romantic relationship and you will be reminded of the fact that you were so keen on being attentive to your partner’s words. Let their words command your attention now.

4. Laugh together

Find and take advantage of all opportunities to be silly together.

5. Go out on dates

Or, stay in on dates. It doesn’t matter where you do it (pun intended), but make a point to date one another (hold open your partner’s doors, pour their beverage for them, get dressed up, or at least take a shower.).

Marriages can withstand change and infact they can get strengthened thanks to change, but only if you and your partner are willing to accept and welcome it, which so many of us are not.

When you get to that point of being two spouses who no longer “gel” and are no longer on the same wavelength, check out the person on the surfboard of life next to you and get to know them — they are different from who you married. You never know — you may even fall in love with this someone else, faster and easier than you did with your current spouse.

It’s really simple — the key to marriage is not to look anywhere else but where you already are, and if you don’t recognize the person with you, then fall in love with the person you are now getting to know.

Nicole Merritt
jthreeNMe is an imperfectly authentic peek at real-life parenting, marriage and self-improvement. It is raw, honest, empowering, inspirational and entertaining. jthreeNMe is self-described as chicken soup for those that are exhausted, over-stressed and under-inebriated, yet still utterly happy.

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