When the Father of your Children Loses his Way
Image courtesy: assets.nydailynews.com
Back in July, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick parted ways, seemingly for good this time, when Scott was photographed smooching on an ex-girlfriend. This isn’t the only problem the pair has had. If you’ve watched even five minutes of ‘Keeping up With the Kardashians’, the pair had broken up several times and Scott had some demons to slay.
Scott Disick’s alcohol and party issues were no secret. He has seen the inside of a few rehab clinics in the past, with no real headway made on his drinking problem.
This isn’t unusual to see in society. You can’t walk down the street without overhearing a conversation about someone’s husband/boyfriend/child’s father struggling with substance issues or being in jail (there are mothers out there too, but that’s a focus for another time). You can feel like a single mother without actually being a single mother.
What can a person with addiction do?
Unfortunately, a person struggling with addiction needs to decide for themselves to get help first. It has to be their idea and no amount of begging, nagging, or making of ultimatums will make them get help. This is probably the hardest part for a spouse to take in. I know the effort made comes from a good place, a place of love, but you have to let them figure it out.
They also have to do it for themselves. Addicts have to hit their bottom and finally decide to do it for them; not for their wife, not for their kids, or their mothers, for them only. That is when treatment will truly work for them and they can be free to have a life again.
I grew up with two parents addicted to alcohol. One sobered up, the other to this day will not admit to having a problem and will gleefully drink beer like water and chase it with Jim Beam. Substance abuse is tough on everybody, not just the person doing the imbibing.
What can you do to help?
If the father of your children is struggling with substance abuse, try to seek them out when they’re sober and try to talk. Be honest and let them know how their behavior is affecting the kids. Try not to monopolize the conversation, nag, or make the whole thing about you, because it is about him and his struggles and you run the risk of pushing him away. Maybe just bringing the subject of his kids up will be the gentle nudge he needs in the right direction; just don’t expect a miracle.
In the end, you are only one person and love can only do so much. Eventually you have to decide if his behavior is causing trauma to the kids (mentally, emotionally, or otherwise) and if he’s bringing you down with him. Sometimes you have to walk away in order to maintain your own sanity and your children’s safety. Kourtney Kardashian walked away. Whether or not the decision will be permanent remains to be seen. In the end it’s about what is good and right for your children.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.