The Micro-Building Blocks of Marriage
Marriage, just like any relationship, must be built upon a strong foundation.
Honesty, trust, and respect are just a few of those blocks that make up that foundation. But what about those little things such as supportiveness, acceptance, and understanding?
The importance of meeting your partner’s peripheral needs
These are peripheral needs, and they create the feeling of acknowledgment, love, and placement in a relationship. It is when these go neglected, that a partner’s honesty, trust, or respect comes into question. All relationships, including marriage, must address these base needs to be successful.
Sadly, more often than not, a rocky marriage is lacking in simple consideration.It can be something as small as not telling a spouse that you’ll be late coming home, or not responding to a text that leads us to believe that our spouse is hiding something or that they simply don’t respect our feelings. It can be hard to tell which is worse!
The little moments that matter
More often than not, these minor cause an otherwise good day to sour very quickly. How often have you called a spouse to tell them how bad your day was going, only to have them provide judgment instead of support? Or you send a text asking where they’re at because you’re concerned when their daily routine has fallen off the rails?
We may let these small issues go, only for them to fester in the back of our minds and brought rudely to the forefront of our thoughts the next time a similar issue arises. These compounding micro-disagreements lead to full-blown fights, leaving both parties to question why they ever came together or what can be done to fix it, so that life can go back to happier times.
To rekindle or extinguish?
There are many support groups that help couples struggling to find the love and patience they need to maintain a strong relationship. Marriage counseling or couples groups are helpful for rekindling those feelings and getting to the root of the issues.
Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things just don’t get better. The fights get louder and longer, those small things get thrown into the arguments to say, “Yes, I’m still here, I was never resolved, and I will haunt you forever”. It is when these arguments repeat that we start to consider other options, such as separation or divorce.
When the big D comes up in an argument, you must ask yourself, “Have we exhausted all of our resources? Have we made every attempt to salvage our marriage?”. If the answer is yes, your best option is to look for a local divorce attorney that will help you understand your options and provide you with a guiding hand through those fearful times, when everything is unknown.
Communication is key
Divorce isn’t the easiest option, nor should it be your first. Take steps early in your marriage to pay attention to the details, to listen to each other, and to find little ways to show them you care.
When other aspects of your life feel like they are becoming the main event, you must make a conscious effort to protect the health of your relationship with your spouse. Ensure their peripheral needs are met, and let them know if you are feeling neglected.
When it comes to marriage, positive and consistent communication is essential to ensuring your partner feels loved, appreciated, and valuable. That’s all we really want, anyway.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.