Couples who have been together for a long period of time often find themselves with reduced sexual appetites than what they had in the beginning of their relationships. Some very obvious reasons behind this are, age, monotonous sexual regimes and decreased hormonal levels.
Another reason that is said to reduce sexual desire is increased emotional connection. According to a prominent old theory, couples experience higher sexual desire when their relationship is uncertain, when there is some emotional distance between them. As they become emotionally connected the thrill in the relationship goes out of the window, following which the sex gets boring. This was popularly known as the Intimacy Desire paradox.
Does emotional connection really kill sexual desire?
While sexual desire may thrive on uncertainty and enigma of a fresh relationship, stronger emotional attachment does not ruin it. A strong emotional bond is always desirable for a meaningful relationship. In fact, it is not emotional connection that kills sexual desire but its absence. In long term relationships when couples become extremely familiar but don’t share as much emotional attachment, their sexual desires tends to decline. Familiarity is often confused with emotional bond. Sharing a lot of information about yourself with your partner and doing things together makes you familiar but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have strong emotional bond.
It is when couples become very familiar but not so much connected, sex gets unappealing.
Key to reviving sexual desire in a long term relationship is boosting emotional bond
Physical intimacy can be rejuvenated in a long term relationship by working on the emotional dynamics of a relationship. Being responsive towards your partner can majorly strengthen your emotional bond with them. You have to show them that you really understand them and care for them. If you try to hear attentively what they have to say, validate what’s important for them and shower them with affection from time to time; it is really going to deepen your emotional attachment and will make you grow fonder of each other. Positive sentiments fostered by responsiveness towards your partner can revive lost sexual desire in long term relationships.
Responsiveness has greater effect on women
Women’s sexual desires are closely related to their emotions. They are wired in way that their emotions and feelings steer their sexual behaviours. When they feel their partner is being responsive towards them, they feel understood and cared for. Hence they feel emotionally more connected to their partner and sexually more attracted to them.
Ways to increase sexual desire in a long term relationship
Now if you are in a long term relationship and are experiencing loss of sexual desire, you can do this to reignite the passion in your relationship-
1. Listen to your partner
The best way to make your partner feel understood is by listening to them. Attentively just hear what they have to say, this will surely make them feel better after a long day and will make your emotional bond deeper.
2. Be thoughtful
If your husband has this office presentation to give the next morning and is working late at night for that, give him a cup of coffee. If your wife has had a long day give her a head massage. Be thoughtful and show that you care.
3. Encourage your partner
Give your partner the support they need. Encourage them to pursue their interests, their passions, their goals.
4. Discuss your fantasies
After doing everything to forge a strong emotional bond, you can try to spice up your sex life by discussing your fantasies and secret desires. This might help you bring back some excitement in your sex lives.