Wade Through Marital Problems with Marriage Advice Humor
Marriage is a very important part of a person’s life, and it’s not something you take lightly. Marriage advice is something that’s taken seriously because building a life and spending forever with someone is a very critical decision. However, like all serious things in life, even marriage has a very light-hearted, humorous side for couples to enjoy.
With the wedding season nearly upon us (at least for some people) hundreds and thousands of couples rush to caterers, banquets halls, and decorators to start preparation. Some couples rush to their family members such as their old uncle Jack whose been married thrice and are still divorced, or their grandpa who had an affair with his neighbor’s wife, for some funny and humorous marriage tips because even knowing what not to do can help!
And if you are one of those relatives who are very serious and can’t come up with any marriage advice humor to say and cheer up the mood, then keep on reading because we have compiled a list of some laid-back pieces of advice, tips and jokes for the newlywed’s out there, so that they may start their life with fun, joyful faces gleaming with pride and satisfaction.
Commandments for him
1. She is right and you are the husband
How to make her happy, you ask? The first rule to reach the wedded bliss is to grasp the main rule of marriage. Remember there are two troops in matrimony… One is always right and the other is the husband.
2. Keep your eyes on the ground
You will need a lot of self-discipline now so buckle up for the ride boys. You can’t notice another girl, can’t look at them, can’t look at their shoes, hair, can’t even think of them. Well at least in the first year of marriage, after that you can relax and give them a single glance ONLY ONCE.
3. Toilet rules – succumb to them
Yes, unfortunately, they exist too. To have a happy environment at home, do practice your aim before settling down, no cuttings near the sink and when you are down don’t forget to open the window.
The most important rule of all; Toilet seat never stays up! Save yourself from sleeping on the sofa with these simple rules.
4. Go to bed angry and try to win the fight the next day
Yes, you heard that! Go to bed angry instead of fighting all night long because believe it or not you will need your rest to try and win the fight tomorrow.
5. Thought doesn’t count
Sorry to burst your bubble but after marriage, only the thought doesn’t count! There’s no point in telling your wife about the gift you were about to buy for her because frankly, that doesn’t matter.
Some common wife lies
- If she tells you she likes the way you dress, she is LYING.
- If she says ‘I won’t be mad,’ stay quiet because she is LYING.
- If she tells you ‘You don’t need my permission for a guy’s night, she is LYING.
- If she asks if she looks fat in the dress, remember your immediate response should be NO! If you wait for even a tiny second and look at her before answering, boy you are doomed!
Commandments for her
1. Don’t even attempt to change your husband
If you plan on changing your husband right after marriage, honey you are in for a big disappointment. That won’t happen so stop planning it and stop trying. Just move on.
2. Romantic novels are all lies
Face reality, girl; you will be around smelly socks, shaved hair on the sink, unflushed toilets, and the toilet seat will always be up. Be prepared because you will now come across some gross behavior you did not even know existed. Stop reading these novels and stop tormenting yourself.
3. Toilet etiquettes exist for you too
Yes, they exist for you too. Do not go to the washroom within 30 minutes of your husband using it. Keep this advice in mind to avoid breathing problems.
4. Save your energy for the big fights
If you keep putting your foot down on the small stuff, you are bound to get exhausted, Let the small stuff slide, instead save your energy for the big fights where you have to scream and shout such as anniversaries, birthdays, finances and children.
5. Never let him win the fight
If you feel as if he is winning the argument, don’t forget to bring up his mother or his sister and blame them for the awful clothes they gifted you, this way he will not only shut up but buy you a cute gift too.
A word of caution
Apart from all these marriage advice humor, keep in mind that marriage is the only war in which your enemy sleeps with you. Just like Jeremy Seinfeld says, and I quote, “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”
So take your game of chess lightly. Enjoy the small things in love. Don’t create a fuss when he forgets your birthday. Laugh at jokes. Don’t tell your wife she’s fat, and don’t tell your husband to go to the gym. Love each other like they are and make the best of everything.
And keep in mind, “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” (Ogden Nash)
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.