Chances are good that you came to this site to get some straightforward advice to improve your relationship with your spouse. Sure, we could serve you up some generic “communicate better” or “be vulnerable” advice if you’d like, but where’s the fun in that? Let’s get real; marriage is a lifetime commitment that needs to be handled with a sense of humor. You can’t take your relationship seriously every minute of every day, because that would make for a dull existence. Let’s lighten the mood and give you some comical (but still accurate) pieces of advice for your lifetime love.
Keep the bathroom door closed to keep the magic alive
Of course, you’ve seen each other in your birthday suits, but you don’t need to taint those images by witnessing private acts. There’s a certain threshold of personal comfort that shouldn’t be compromised. As it turns out, that threshold is watching your spouse sit upon the porcelain throne. Do yourselves a favor and swing the door closed when you anticipate stinking up the place. It’ll will help keep that birthday suit appealing.
Don’t forget those three magic words
You know which three words I’m referring to? Of course you do.
Yes, I love you is important too, but if you’re getting married, those words are implied. Being apologetic and admitting your mistakes within your relationship is going to save a lot of nights on the couch and silent treatments. Use these words, and use them often. Don’t apologize just to end the argument, though. Apologize when you feel that you’ve done wrong. Step away from your ego and let your man or your lady know that you regret what you said or did.
Make them use dial up internet to see who they really are
Listen, marriage is for the long haul, and one of the pillars of any strong marriage is patience. In this fast paced world we live in, where everything can be found within seconds on our smartphones, some of us may have forgotten what it was like in the archaic days of the internet. Dial up internet tied up your phone line AND was 145602750 times slower than the internet that you’re currently using to read this.
That’s why I love this piece of advice that is attributed to Will Ferrell. Sit back and watch them as they try to download a song, watch a video on YouTube or simply scroll their Facebook feed. If they don’t flip out, cuss out the computer, and smack the monitor a few times, you’ve probably got a good one. If they show a darker side of themselves, keep those divorce papers close by. This could be the ultimate test of patience, something that needs to be assessed for any lifelong partner.
Don’t be shy about your bedtime toys
No, I’m not talking about lube, handcuffs, or dildos. I’m talking about earplugs, eye masks, and your tiny reading lights. Yes, your bedroom should be a sanctuary of sex. But it also should be a place that you can trust to deliver quality rest. You’re in this thing until the end of time people.
Forever (or at least, your personal concept of forever) is a long time to go without sleeping simply because you want to look cute next to your husband or wife. Bring on the sleeping masks to block out the light. Don’t be shy about your earplugs if your guy (or girl!) is a snorer. If you prefer to read a good book to help you doze off, keep that little light close by so your better half can get a head start to dreamland with the bedroom lights off. When the lights go down and it’s time to get some sleep, commit to the process wholeheartedly and use whatever toys or gadgets that will help you get a solid 8 hours.
If you need to fight, fight naked
Let’s face it; even the most harmonious couples will disagree from time to time. My suggestion is to fight in the nude to keep things interesting. This will be fun for two reasons.
- It’s really hard to take yourself seriously when you’re all out in the open. Just imagine yourself screaming at the top of your lungs and trying to deliver your argument while lying stark naked. You’ll probably find that you’ll tone down your fighting tone and come to a quicker resolution than if you’d tried to duke it out in some comfy clothes.
- If things get heated, you don’t have to waste time stripping each other down for the round of make up sex. Arguing can be primal, which is why make up sex can be so raw and without inhibitions. Fighting naked skips right to the good stuff.
If you’re feeling frisky, employ the naked man (or woman) method
For my friends out there who aren’t familiar with How I Met Your Mother, the Naked Man is a stealth-like tactic to take your partner by surprise. Here’s what you do, while they are in the other room, or have their back turned to you, quickly undress yourself so that when they bring their attention back to you, you are completely nude.
The element of surprise is comical at first, but as Barney Stinson points out in How I Met Your Mother, it works about two-thirds of the time. That’s pretty good odds for a trick that doesn’t require much aside from a little courage.
So there you have it 6 comical pieces of advice that will help you as you continue your lifelong journey of staring at your partner and loving them with everything you have. Keep it light. Keep it fun. Keep it entertaining. Learn to laugh in the moments that don’t go as planned and enjoy the days that aren’t perfect. A sense of humor is as important as anything else in the attempt to make your marriage last.