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  • Here-are-17-tweets-that-capture-the-highs-and-lows-of-married-life

    17 Funniest Marriage Tweets That Will Make Your Sides Hurt


    Our dreams of “marital bliss” don’t usually match up to the reality. Instead, humor is found in some of the strangest situations, which is a good sign. If a couple can laugh at some of the crazy and annoying moments that marriage brings, they most definitely have an enviable marriage.   

    Here are our favorite tweets that capture the highs and lows of married life

    1. Netflix & Chill married style

    Rodney Lacroix

    “Netflix and oh great my wife is asleep already”
    Click to Tweet

    2. Wife pressures

    Sophia Benoit

    “It takes the whole cast of a queer eye to do what most straight women have to do alone in every single relationship they’ve ever been in”
    Click to Tweet

    3. Inconvenient mind reading

    Inconvenient mind reading

    Dorky Romano

    “The best part about marriage is getting in trouble for going to the bathroom when your spouse was thinking about going to the bathroom”
    Click to Tweet

    4. Cookie thief


    “Husband: Where are the girl scout cookies? Me: We were robbed. Husband: They only took the cookies? Me: Well that and the vase your Mom bought us for the holidays. Weird right?”
    Click to Tweet

    5. Please say he’s single!

    Andy H

    6. Imperfectly intune

    Imperfectly intune

    Rodney Lacroix

    “Wife: I love that we finish each other’s. Me: Drinks? Wife: What? No. I was gonna say sentences HEY WHERE’S MY. Me: Margarita?”
    Click to Tweet

    7. Yessss lets

    Sarcastic Mommy

    “Husband: Let’s do something different and fun! Me: *leaves him with screaming kids while I go shopping*”
    Click to Tweet

    8. Presumptive pizza


    “{texting wife from work} let’s do “make your own pizza night {texting wife from couch} when will my pizza be done?”
    Click to Tweet

    9. In the moment

    In the moment

    Stephanie Ortiz

    “At the lake with the kids; the husband has been digging a giant moat in the sand. It’s been twenty-five minutes and I’m wondering when he will realize the little girl digging with him isn’t ours”
    Click to Tweet

    10. Chocolate shake

    Lady Lawyer

    “Me: I need to get in shape. Hubs: ‘What flavor? Chocolate or vanilla? Me: Shape, not shake. Hubs: So..Me: Chocolate”
    Click to Tweet

    11. Kidneys for sale

    Stephanie Ortiz

    “I love that cute married thing we do where we decide to be fiscally responsible by reviewing our finances and end up arguing about which of us should sell a kidney”
    Click to Tweet

    12. Last words


    “Wife: why are there dishes in the sink? My son’s last words: because you didn’t do them”
    Click to Tweet

    13. The wife’s magic

    The wife’s magic

    James Breakwell

    “Me: Wow. I don’t have anything to do today. Wife: *Materializes out of thin air* actually”
    Click to Tweet

    14. The sexy walk

    Elle A. Rose

    “My husband confused my ‘sexy’ walk with a pulled muscle. I must be getting old or my knight in shining armor needs to polish that suite. (I’m going with the latter)”
    Click to Tweet

    15. Differences of opinion

    Boyd’s Backyard

    “Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife’s is around $643.27. Apparently)”
    Click to Tweet

    16. The joy of marriage


    “Yes, marriage is a very good time if you enjoy the idea of living with your parole officer”
    Click to Tweet

    17. She knows

    James Breakwell  

    “Me: Ow, I pulled a muscle in my back. Wife: How? Me: Rigorous exercise. Getting out of bed”
    Click to Tweet

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